In the words of the late and great Tom Petty…

She grew up in a Midwestern town
Had a good lookin’ Colnago she road all around
But she road hard and she climbed alright
With them Drafter boys on a Drafter Monday night

Well she started the Draft in two thousand thirteen
She didn’t blow the boys away, but it was more than they’d seen
The Draft was introduced and we all started groovin’
She said, “I dig you Drafters, we got to keep movin’…on, keep movin’ on”

Last dance through the county of Dane
One more time to feel the pain
I feel summer creepin’ past and I’m
sad this Draft is my laaaast.

Well I don’t know what I’ve been told
You never slow down, you never grow old
I’m tired of changing flats, I’m tired of goin’ down,
but never grow tired of biking this town

Oh my my, oh hell yes
Honey put on that Drafter dress
Buy me a drink, sing me a song,
Take me as I come ’cause I can’t stay long

Last dance through the county of Dane
One more time to feel the pain
I feel summer creepin’ past and I’m
gonna make this night laaaast

There’s mosquitos down at Free House square
Sully’s standin’ in her Drafter wear
Lookin’ down from a beer menu
Spotted Cow will be comin’ soon

Oh my my, oh hell yes
You’ve got to put on that Drafter dress

Last dance the county of Dane
One more time to feel the pain
I feel summer creepin’ past and I’m
gonna make this night laaaast

We had an excellent turn out Monday. 17 Drafters  “Wauan”ted to Ride Easy Street.

Z Rex riding into the sunset

Skeeter Bait and Z Rex

Green Sea

That isn’t to say we all wanted to ride Easy. We had an abundance of lead-legged Drafters.  Bomber was still licking his Ironman wounds, leaving Cannibal and Captain Joe to sprint for the town sign.  Booker J may have to change his name to Booker BS, as he taunted Cannibal to take the sign from nearly a mile back.  “How far is the town sign?”  “Oh, just over the hill (unsaid: and up the next one, and then another half mile past that).

Captain Joe sat back in Cannibal’s exhaust, until the thigh endowed man had no fuel to burn, and then claimed the sign.  Tick Tock declined the invitation to sprint as he had just finished the most challenging race of his life- the Chequamegon, with mud so thick racers were literally stopped dead in their tracks, being catapulted over their handlebars.

Billy Bob was also feeling a bit sluggish after his “Ironland” event.  Stunning photos from across the pond.  You know where he draws his strength?  From the Velominati Rule V.  And I thought V was on his license plate because he was Billy Bob McC the V.

Cork Rebel Tour link

Searching for leprechauns

Billy Bob full of V

Several fierce Drafters found their legs despite being plied with 11% porters compliments of the Tyranena Oktoberfest post-ride party.  Footer and her Dad, Electro, Skeeter Bait, BrickO, Z Rex, Whamo and Sandlot enjoyed what could have been the most epic cycling day ever; no rain, wind or humidity and ample beer, food and music post-ride. The weather was so perfect that Electro, who currently resides in Texas, decided to get off his bike and walk for awhile, just to enjoy the cool weather, and then grabbed a beer at the rest stop at mile 30, conveniently the Hubbleton microbrewery.

Rest stop Hubbleton Brewery

Footer and Electro

Whamo apparently forgot that one still needs to hydrate, and ended up with road side assistance.  Good thing Sandlot is a nurse-  “For better and for worse”, right?

Sandlot drafting at work

Whamo seeking aid from a volunteer, a UW nurse and his wife Sandlot, also a RN. Go big of go home on the medical coverage.

Better than the medical tent was the service at the food and beer tent.  I strongly recommend you consider Tyranena on your list of events next year.

Footer and Z Rex

Skeeter, BrickO and Electro

Whamo and 2 RNs

That’s a fairly complete list of excuses for why many of us had tired legs on Monday and didn’t challenge Cannibal and Captain Joe for the town sign sprint.  None of us could challenge this new record set- 184mph by a woman on a bicycle.

Link: She just rode 184mph on a bicycle. Really.

I expect those of us doing the RIDE this Sunday to challenge that.  The Drafter force will be felt- I’ve got Bomber, Footer, Coach Arms, Sully, Wampus, Captain Joe, Caboose, Cookie Monster and Vilks on the roster along with special appearance by K2!  Congrats on your recent summit race.  She’s got more miles on those legs running up mountains than most of us do biking!

All 17 Drafters, with our without legs of lead, completed the Wanua Ride Easy Street before the sun set.  Waitress Amy was ready at the Free House with beers and an extra side of olives and buffalo sauce for BrickO.  Sandlot brought her son, Evan AND wrote a poem. Much appreciated.

Last dance of the season will be the Riley Tavern Route, a poetic end as it was also our first ride of the season.  Short but sweet this is a 21mile oldie but goodie.

Map download PDF: Riley Tavern 20

Garmin link Riley Tavern

Draft responsibly,

BrickO

In the lyrical words of Queen,

Bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride my bike
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride it where I like

But, the earth is tilting away from the sun on its imaginary axis, gradually restricting our Monday night ride distance until there will be none.  All 10 Drafters were in before dark on the Cocktail ride, but only by cutting the ride down to 25miles and taking the bike path home.  I am hoping we can safely squeeze in 2 more short rides before calling it a helluva season.

The Cocktail crew was missing a few usual suspects, possibly due to fatigue. Congrats to Dan-yelly, Tobacco City Boy and Booker J on their Door County Century.  Ironman WI indoctrinated two Drafters, Wandering Slow Cow and B2 Bomber.

Well done, boys.  Billy Bob decided to get out of town for his endurance event, traveling to South West of Ireland to ride in the Cork Rebel Tour.  One one of these endurance competitions had the chutzpah to show up to the Draft Monday… and not to ride, but to drink and eat copious amounts of red meat.  Wandering Slow Cow credited Cookie Monster Wille with his strong finish.  Allegedly, Wandering Slow Cow was exhibiting the characteristics of his name sake when he stumbled upon CM.  Her strong encouragement and possible reprimand for demonstrating behavior unbecoming of a Drafter (not enough Rule V of the Velominati) was enough incentive to pick up his walk to a passing running pace (at least until out of sight).

The route for next week will take us to Waunakee.  It’s a 26 mile route, which is going to be a push against the darkness.  PLEASE be ready to ride at 5:30 sharp, and if you can leave earlier with a buddy, please do.  PLEASE PLEASE BRING FRONT AND READ BLINKIE LIGHTS. 

Download PDF map: Wauna Ride Down Easy Street?

GPS link: Wauna Ride Easy Street

Our last ride will be Riley Tavern on Sept 24.  Be sure to submit your prize winning Drafter photo if you want to be considered for the competition.

I believe registration for the Tyranena Oktoberfest ride is still open.  Barefooter, her dad, Skeeter Bait, Whamo, Sandlot, Z Rex and I will be there.

Tyranena Oktoberfest Ride link

There is also a big Drafter showing for The Ride.  This is super well organized and obviously supports a good cause.

The Ride registration link

Lastly, don’t forget about scenic Shawano Bike the Barns on Sept 30!

Shawano Bike the Barn Quilts ride link

Draft responsibly, and visibly especially these last two rides.
BrickO

Earth Wind and Fire.  I am starting to wonder why the band didn’t include water in their handle?

Seems to be the predominate natural element as of late. No matter, we will not be riding on Labor Day, but hopefully dryly Drafting in September.

Hey hey hey
Ba de ya, say do you remember
Ba de ya, drafting in September

My wheel is with you
Holding pace with your bike to see you
Only trash talk and love
Remember how we knew drafting was here to stay

We are losing daylight fast.  The AC/DC Back in Black ride last week pushed the limits of visibility for all 17 Drafters, but particularly BrickO, who came in behind Caboose and his newbie friend, S-Cat.  You might imagine that S is short for Scaredy since he came late and left early, avoiding detection from anyone other than Caboose. Or maybe S is for Smart as he successfully avoided our slipstream bantering. Hard to say, but I hope he returns to Draft another day.  No doubt you are wondering why I was the Lantern Rouge on Monday night?  Well, maybe that isn’t a mystery that needs solving.  But, I will say that my new gravel bike, “Jessie“, a wedding gift from Z Rex wan’t to blame. (Who wants diamonds when you can have gravel? And with enough compression and shifting of my tectonic plates, it’s bound to form a diamond eventually) Jessie took inventory of the other gravel bike, ride by B2 Bomber, and went directly to the back of the line.

Exiting to the back of the paceline may have been a bit premature (which implies it was premeditated and therefore under my control- none of which are true), as Bomber was a bit beat up from his Race the Lake excursion the previous day.  The lead peloton took a horrific crash with only a few miles left to go.  Bomber left it on the course, literally, and still managed to finish in the top 20%.  Praise be to the Integument System.  Jessie missed her chance to go gravel to gravel with Bomber, but had a lovely time catching with with Coach Arms, who made her first post-baby Drafter debut.  In the words of Captain Joe, “I can’t even tell she had a baby.”  For those of us who were in maternity clothes continually between children, we are insanely jealous, but in the spirit of the Drafters, really excited that you look so damn good a few weeks after labor.

Bomber wasn’t the only one in need of a bandaid after a long ride.  As previously reported, Vilks was in the lead group at the Dairyland Dare 300k before succumbing to what he thought was a monster bonk and intense stomach pain.  A rare but not unique incident (see results from Triple Bypass circa 2005ish), Vilks did not cross the finish line.  This is a legit “I only rode 240k” cycling saga.  Turns out, Vilks had more than a little gas.  Nothing like an appendectomy to remind us to listen to our bodies, especially when they make us vomit.  His biggest obstacle in recovering is mental, after learning whose company he was keeping in the lead group. Vilks had been riding along side Dave Haase, a Fond du Lac native and 5 time Race Across America finisher. If only his appendix had cooperated, Vilks may have gotten some press instead of an ED admission…..  FDL Reporter link

In other endurance event news,  Wandering Slow Cow has taken up cross-training to sharpen his skills for the upcoming Ironman.  My dear friend, Safari Kris, who was present at the Triple Bypass to witness Vilker’s non-appendicitis DNF, endured the long but worthwhile trip to Africa for a hiking adventure.  Arms and Legs still hold the gold medal for capturing a Drafter photo with an elephant, but I would say any Drafter photo from Africa qualifies for competition.  I wish I had a photo of MegaWatt at the finish line of his Cascade Crest 100 mile trail run in Washington.  I only know he finished because I have to be back at work next week, which means he’s alive and still my boss.  Congrats to all on your magnificent feats.

Make new friends and keep the old. One is silver and the other gold.  There is nothing silver about my new friend and Drafter, Formula One.  She’s raw energy and can hold her own on any descent, which I witnessed numerous times at the Haute Route in Norway.  By way of South Africa to England and now residing in the Big Ass state of Texas, welcome Formula One to the Draft!

Formula One

At the Haute

From here on out, the rides will be substantially shorter until we reach the critical mileage of 20, whereby we will deem the miles to beer ratio too small to justify.  Please bring FRONT AND REAR BLINKIE LIGHTS if you have them. If said illumination modules are not part of your Drafter gear, consider investing, borrowing, or riding strategically between Drafters who are in compliance with the laws of the light.  This should go without saying, but please be READY TO RIDE at 5:30.  We need every minute of daylight.  I know there are unforeseen circumstances and unusual predicaments, like Tick Tock finding himself locked in the bathroom (while he is an excellent bike mechanic, I strongly discourage you from calling upon Tick Tock for household remodeling projects), which is why we have set up a hotline.  Nurse Sully will be on call for such emergencies.  Several weeks into retirement, she has taken a part-time job at Pleasant View golf course.  If you call, expect to hear this in a sunshiny voice, “Hello. Thanks for calling Pleasant View where every hole is a birdie.  This is Sully.  How can I help?”

The September 10 route is named after a cocktail which I’ve never imbibed.  Next year I will come up with a Sazerak route, for which I am fluent imbiber.  The Tom Collins route is a 30 miler, which can easily be cut to 25 by taking the bike path home.  It occurs to me that the Missouri Tavern is a historic landmark along the bike path that should be visited, for educational purposes, of course.  I propose we arrange for such an interlude, but only if we have blinkie lights and Nurse Sully on call.

Download map PDF: Tom Collins 30 25

Garmin link: Tom Collins Cocktail Ride GPS link  

Garmin link with bike path home: Tom Collins mini-cocktail Ride GPS link

HINCAPIE JERSEYS ARE EN ROUTE, arriving today through Wednesday. If you will not be home to sign for your gear, sign onto the FedEx website and give permission for delivery sans signature.

Draft responsibly,

BrickO

Do you remember how nice and sunny it was for the Draft one week ago?

Well, we aren’t so lucky tonight, which is a bummer for a variety of reasons: 1) we can’t raise a beer glass to toast Tobacco City Boy’s birthday.  Actually , we can raise and drink said glass,  just not together at the Free House post-ride, 2) Pipes put on an extraordinary Drafter yoga class this AM and my posterior chain is in prime flexible form to tackle Black Hill, 3) all of the rain gear I ordered while in Norway has arrived.  I’m wondering why I ordered it at all, given that I am quick to cancel the first opportunity I have to try it out?  Oh yeah, rain gear looks good in my closet.  Maybe I will put on my neon green VeloToze and walk through some puddles, just to test them out (see matching neon green POC gloves and socks in photo above- also part of the retail therapy post Haute Route).

I hope to see you all next Monday for the Back in Black ride.  There will be NO RIDE the following Mon, Sept 3 as it is Labor Day WEEKEND.

REMINDER: Hincapie orders due Aug 22.  Orders placed in July will be sent Mon Aug 27. You must sign for FedEx or go online once you get the notice and give permission for it to be left without a signature.

Looking for a bike event?  Consider riding Tyranena Oktoberfest on Sept 15.  Great music and food, not too many hills.  Register here: Oktoberfest

Draft responsibly,

BrickO

I love people with passion.  Janis Joplin had passion.  Eddy Merckx has passion. The Drafters have passion.  And if Janis Jopin had written a song about the Drafters instead of Bobby McGee, it might have gone something like this (inspired by the ever growing Flat Tire club and our newest Drafter, the Cannibal, who was unknowingly yet appropriately   granted the same nick name as Eddy Merckx).

Busted a flat on Schneider Road, waitin’ for the rain
And I’s feelin’ near as faded as a Souse
Tick Tock thumbed the Cannibal down, just before he gained
He rode us all the way to The Free House

I pulled my CO2 out of my dirty jersey pocket
I was pantin’ soft while Tick Tock sang the blues, yeah
Tube and tire slappin’ time, I was holdin’ Tick Tock’s CO2 in mine
We swore every word that biker knew

Draftin’ is just another word for nothin’ left to lose
Draftin’’, don’t mean nothin’ dude’ if it ain’t free, no no
And, feelin’ good was easy, oh oh, when Cannibal led the way
You know, feelin’ good was good enough for me
Good enough for the Drafters, BrickO and Z.

From the Wisconsin farm line to the Katzenbuechel sun
The Drafters shared the secrets of their soul
Through all kinds of weather, through everything we done
Yeah, Drafters baby kept me on the road

La da da da da da da
La da da da da da da
La da da da da da da

Our most recent additions to the Draft have upped the game a bit.  I think KickAssK may have stirred the testosterone pot a bit, being the only XX to challenge Tick Tock, Skeeter Bait and Bomber.  But her departure back to the Dolomites has left the boys hungry, and our newest newbie, The Cannibal is eager to serve them up.  In true Drafter spirit, Monday nights is about laying down the hammer until it isn’t.  I’m continually awestruck by the camaraderie and conviviality of this group.  Flat tires are a group effort (and if the pit crew consists of 5 orthopedic surgeons, it becomes an all night affair), sharing beers and pulls, pushing one another to generate more Watts than we think possible, and picking up one another when those Watts really aren’t possible, and never putting down anyone who has the spirit to Draft.  We have found a way to not only co-exist on the road, but to form a Drafter family that gives me more pride and joy than I can begin to express.  So, thank you.  As our family grows, there will be Yellow Jerseys and Lantern Rouges. No matter the color at the start.  In the end, we all have earned the Drafter Green Jersey and a chair at the bar as passionate pursuers of the power through the pedals.

18 Drafters rode to Springfield on Monday- and thanks to Dan-yelly and Cookie Monster’s hospitality, they recruited another Drafter who they came upon during the ride.  The route was new to many of us, and despite doing recon only 4 days before, the unfamiliar turn onto Loper Rd eluded me.  The only clue I had as to my misdirection was lack of underwear.  Of course underwear isn’t allowed during cycling (Hincapie would take back our kits), but I had noticed a pair of boxers just off of Hwy V during recon, so when I didn’t see the tell “tail” sign after a few miles, I figured I had missed the turn.  Interestingly, the boxers also caught the attention of Billy Bob McC (this is not a typo- but rather a reassignment of a few Drafter handles- see next paragraph), who thought the waistband read “BrickO’s Boxers“.  He figured since I have supplied headbands and socks in the past, boxers were a natural progression.  I will talk to my distributer.  I know… all the women are XS and all the men are XL.  I can see the problem with collecting the order already.

Drafter names are sacred.  They capture the essence of the Draft and protect our identities from those who don’t appreciate tan lines and power to mass ratios.  However, I acknowledge that on occasion, they need to be revisited.  I’ve heard numerous Drafters call Billy Boy Billy Bob, and I think it just fits, especially when he rides his Parlee, “The Stallion” like a Cowboy from the Wild Wild West.  Next up is Tobacco City Cousin.  Cast in the shadow of Tobacco City Boy, it is time to come into the light.  The red light, to be precise.  Typically the last rider in, it is fitting that our Lantern Rouge be appropriated as the “Caboose“. Embracing his new title, Caboose negotiated with Tobacco City Boy to ride 15 minutes.  It is unclear if Caboose was negotiating 15 min out AND back, or 15 min total.  Ice Queen objects to her name, mainly as it draws attention to her superior athletic talents as a hockey player and coach.  I can’t fault modesty, as it is a dying trait.  On a routine basis, Ice Queen has convinced the wait staff at Free House that she needs to have her food and be done eating before Caboose arrives so that she can be home to put her kids to bed.  “Speedy” it is.

Speaking of Speedy, a quick shout out to Cookie Monster for speeding by her hubby, E$ at the Shell Lake Triathlon…. a first.  I interviewed E$ and he generously complimented CM on her victory, noting it wasn’t an official triathlon distance and had an extra long swim and run.  So, technically, he still hasn’t lost to her in an official sprint triathlon.  Another shout out to Sandlot and Whamo on their 100k Dairyland Dare, and Vilks who stayed with 5x RAAM finisher Dave Haase for a good chunk of the day.  Sandlot is still recovering from her T-bone incident with an inattentive driver, and found the strength to finish the 100k.  Well done, Sandlot. She exempliefies The Velominati’s Rule V (which coincidently happens to be the Roman numeral on Billy Bob’s license plate).  In case you aren’t familiar please read here: Velominati The Rules.

HINCAPIE KIT UPDATE:  look for an email about FedEx delivery on Aug 27.  You will need to sign for the package unless you go onto the website and give permission for the package to be left.  NEW orders can be placed through Aug 22 at this link: Hincapie Order Aug 22

As we head into next week, PLEASE BRING AT LEAST ONE IF NOT MORE BLINKIE LIGHTS.  And please bring a healthy appetite for beer, as we celebrate Tobacco City Boy’s Birthday (I’m not sure he will be Drafting, but we will be drinking regardless).  Which brings me to my favorite Velominati Rule #47: Drink Tripels, don’t ride triples

Cycling and beer are so intertwined we may never understand the full relationship. Beer is a recovery drink, an elixir for post-ride trash talking and a just plain excellent thing to pour down the neck. We train to drink so don’t fool around. Drink quality beer from real breweries. If it is brewed with rice instead of malted barley or requires a lime, you are off the path. Know your bittering units like you know your gear length. Life is short, don’t waste it on piss beer.

We are going to cannibalize the Rock of Ages Route, turning Def Leppard into AC/DC as we go “Back in Black“.  For those of you who have not climbed Black Hill before, be ware.  The false flat is long and 8%.  Beyond that, you are looking at a long 14% ascent.  You will be in the red while you are back in black.

Garmin link: Garmin link to Back in Black

Download PDF: Back in Black 38

Draft responsibly,

BrickO

It feels good to be back on this side of the pond.  A big thanks to Cookie Monster and Tick Tock for keeping the Draft drafting while I was in Norway.  I will try to piece together the highlights from the last 2 rides based on photos that were shared in my absence.

14 Drafters enjoyed a colorful Lodi Canning adventure.  They rode fearlessly into the dark, only to be rewarded by a brilliant spectrum of light.

Captain and Tick Tock

Green headed into black

We have already inducted a Rainbow Maker into the Draft, so our Newbie who succeeded in summoning the red to violet path will require a new name.  Welcome Roy G Biv, friend of Skeeter Bait. Doesn’t hurt that his real name is Roy. The rest just came naturally.

In other sporting news, Cookie Monster and E$ took the Shell Lake Triathlon by storm while Momma Monster lit up the Firehouse 50 and Keez took second overall in the Tobacco Days 10k (sorry, I guess the official PC name is now Edgerton Heritage Days).

C Monster and E$

Bringing home the gold

2cd place. What was missing?

The Drafter hat!

The following week was no less colorful when it came to characters.  The Indian Lake Extended Loop pushed KickAssK to her limits, thanks to Newbie known as the Canibal who reportedly put the hammer down. Word of the Canibal spread as far as Oregon (as in the WI community, not as far west as the Pacific coast. Come on, people, he’s just a man), scaring Drafters Dan-yelly and Tobacco City Boy into drafting from home.

10 brave Drafters managed to survive the Canibal and live to tell tales over a beer.

The most amazing ride this week came from Coach Arms, who claimed the KOM award (King of the Mommas). Welcome back to the saddle.

Z Rex and BrickO survived the Haute Route Norway, a three day stage race in Stavanger.  While the “hills” were challenging, they would have been better served by growing gills than bigger quads. The first 100 mile stage offered solid rain, and the second 75 mile stage wasn’t much drier.  When BrickO asked, “Why don’t we have cool rain gear like everyone else?”, Z responded, “Because we don’t choose to ride 6hours in the pouring rain at home.”  This experience prompted retail therapy.  Amazon has been busy delivering cycling rain gear to my house, in the case we ever loose our minds and enter such an event again. The 3rd stage 18k time trial was finally dry.  Short and sweet, the Haute threw in 3 climbs over 20% (my Garmin said 26% at one point, and it felt all of that).  Do we know how to honeymoon or what?  In case you are wondering, we are still married.  I thought it best to test our relationship right out of the gate with this event.

Riding a 3 stage tour gives me a sense of the chasm in abilities between someone like myself, and someone like KickAssK, who does this for a living.  I’m sure more retail therapy will aid tremendously in closing that gap. The wind tunnel experts at Cronometro assured me that my non- form fitting wind breaker cost at least 100 watts.  I’d like to think it cost more, based on the money I just spent on a “real” big girl cycling rain jacket.

We are going to be up against day light, especially with the high enrollment in the Flat Tire Club.  I am proposing the 38 mile Spring Valley to Springfield route, knowing we may end up taking the bike path home (Tick Tock has to have some sort of pay back for helping running the Draft).  There is another major short cut for those wanting a less demanding distance.

Download map PDF: Spring Valley to Springfield

Garmin link : Spring Valley to Springfield Garmin link

Last order of business:  Good luck to those riding the Dairyland Dare this Saturday.  Z Rex and I are downgrading our 200k to the 50k thanks to soft tissue damage caused by said 2 days and 175 miles of rain.  Key ingredient for the week is Bepanthen Nappy Care Ointment.  I’d bet my ass on it.

Also, the folks in Norway were impressed with our Drafter kits and I had several requests for opening another order.  The Hincapie site is open for business until Aug 22.  Follow this link and email me with questions:

Hincapie Custom Order link

Draft responsibly,

BrickO

The 2200-2800 feet of climbing up Enchanted, Schuman, Old Settlers and Katzenbuckel (depending on GPS calibration and if you followed Tick Tock on the alternative route which added 4 miles via an unintended left turn on Breunig Road) wasn’t the craziest part of the Krazy Ride.  It was trying to keep up with KK!  This newbie is not a newbie at all, but rather an accomplished professional cyclist residing in Italy and eating Dolomites for breakfast.  KK was given a middle initial by Vilks, Bomber and Tick Tock– A.  As in KickAssK.  I was grateful to Barefooter who warned me not to attempt to keep up with her friend as she pulled away on Enchanted Valley, commandeering my ancient Kestrel, Ruby, who is not geared for such a climb. Ruby may never let me back in the saddle now that she knows what a real rider feel like! Billy Boy McC had led us out Schneider to the point of the breakaway.  You know it’s gonna be trouble when the Clydesdale sets the pace-  everybody got primed in the vortex.

For every foot of climb, there was an excuse as to why KickAssK was in the polka dot jersey.  Bomber feigned a shoe malfunction as KickAssK blew by.  Skeeter Bait hurled out this excuse, “I just finished antibiotics for a sinus infection.” I  suspect he would have traded antibiotics for EPO in a heartbeat.  Skeeter took the easy out and joined the Flat Tire club.   Booker J was the most creative and inventive in the excuse department, “If I had carbon fiber cages, I would not have been dropped.” Later in the ride, Booker J was diagnosed by Dr. Z Rex with a “positive snot sign”, and offered 3 shot bloks and a bottle of water to ease his pain.  Vilks could hardly dismount his bike due to fatigue and exclaimed, “Strava just informed me that I have a new max heart rate”.  Never one to miss an opportunity for a beer, Vilks excused himself from post-ride beverages under the pretense of attending his daughter’s boyfriend’s birthday party.  We all suspect that he was rushing for his AED and didn’t want to make a scene.  Barefooter proudly rolled in and declared, “No short cuts here”. This ride definitely separated the boys from the men, and I’ve never been so happy to have hung with the boys.  Somebody once said to me, “You have to be pretty good to know you much you really suck.”  I get it.  I liked it better when I imagined a small gap between me and KickAssK, not the Vredefort crater that appeared Monday night.

I also liked it better when Counselor Billy Boy informed me that the “return the bride policy” expired after 72 hours.  Eager to exercise my joint credit card rights at the Free House, he admitted to a misunderstanding in the policy, which apparently extends 72 days. Beers on me will have to wait until October. I managed to sneak away last week to Roatan for said wedding adventure without missing a Draft (this is not a discussion about priorities- at least not until I sort out the “return the bride” policy).

“Mom, I forgot the ring”

Mr. Z and Mrs. BrickO

Jump!

A non-dark beer toast

However, we are headed to Norway on Friday for a little fun at the Maserati Haute Route and so I will be leaving you in capable hands for the next two weeks.  

Tick Tock and Cookie Monster will be leading the Draft the next 2 weeks. As always, it is YOUR responsibility to know the route, draft responsibly, and at your own risk. We are one Drafter down due to a car hits bike incident on Woodland and Kingsley (driver was cited).  Fortunately, the only thing broken was Sandlot‘s bike.  Let’s send her some healing love  as we keep our eyes open for vehicles whose drivers don’t.

You are in the capable hands of Cookie Monster for the next 2 weeks.

Drafting in Utah- check out the footwear.

Lodi Marsh (counterclockwise route) is a 40mile venture, with an easy 5 short cut by avoiding Riddle Rd, or a 25 mile option by taking the Hyer Loop or Dane out and back. Tick Tock will most likely opt for the bike path home, which should leave all of you feeling unsatisfied and incomplete, but with more energy and time to enjoy Free House. Remember to treat our waitress, Amy, nicely (especially if you place special orders like half buffalo or a WI salad) and tip generously.

Download PDF map of Lodi Marsh: Lodi Marsh 40 and Hyer Loop 25

Garmin link to Lodi Marsh

The following week, Aug 6, you will be venturing out to Indian Lake.  PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HEED THIS WARNING:  the descent down Indian Trail to K is steep and THE ROAD IS IN TERRIBLE CONDITION.  I would recommend one of three strategies: 1) ride this course backwards (Dan-yelly, Whamo and Sandlot may do this unknowingly, so follow their lead), 2) descend at a snail’s pace (my choice), or 3) turn right on Whippoorwill (also a steep descent with a hairpin turn), L on 19 and R onto Matz Rd.  Decide as a group, and then make your own choice so that you feel safe and ride within your limits.

Download PDF map of Indian Lake Extended: Indian Lake Extended Cue Sheet and Map

Garmin Link to Indian Lake Extended

Draft responsibly,

BrickO

Lucky 13 showed up for the Wild Wild West ride, including Newbie “Slinger“.  Jeff was promoted to the front of the Draft by his neighbors Ice Queen and Duracell, and I would agree with that allocation.  Until, that is, his high speed rear tread unintentionally slung gravel my way (Annie suffered no structural damage- Annie is my Colnago for those of you who haven’t been introduced).  That will teach me for drafting too closely.   In an unprecedented sharing of the  lead, Dan-yelly and B2 Bomber pulled hard out KP heading into the Wild Wild West.  They key phrase here is “heading into”, as their tanks were empty after competing in the grueling Door County Triathlon and their gallant pull did not last long.

Clip on aerobars are a luxury for Bomber

Does this hat make me look fast?

This could be (or just plain is) the first time I’ve ever beaten Bomber to the Free House.  Can I tell you how happy it makes me to watch this man suffer from fatigue?  His recovery meal was two Spotted Cows and half buffalo.  Confused?  So was the waitress.

Maybe it was the sliver moon and Venus hanging in the sky that inspired Drone Master on Monday night.  He relished in taking a turn at the front with Bomber and Barefooter in his slip stream.  With great power comes great responsibility, and after his pull, Drone Master responsibly fell off the back as Barefooter took the opportunity to bury the boys.  Beaten but not broken, Drone Master had the ultimate opportunity to earn the yellow jersey.  With Bomber and his blinkie light both running low on energy, Drone Master graciously offered to provide a Draft back home …. on his scooter.  Just as Bomber got on his wheel, Drone Master accelerated, leaving Bomber in the dust.  “I think I just gave Brandan the best pull ever!”  I will admit that our group could benefit from a lesson in paceline etiquette.  Our motto seems to be “rest as long as possible and when you have to pull, go as hard as you can”.  Booker J exemplified this technique beautifully on the pull home on KP.  “Where did everybody go?”

Some of our Drafters got stuck at work (a tragedy I try hard to avoid, even if it means changing jobs frequently) but still managed to Draft in spirit in their own time.

Congrats to K2 on her 7800′ summit run.  She’s moving to Canada to finish her PhD program and has invited us all to the Velodrome in London, Ontario.  What could go wrong on a banked surface on a single gear bike? I’m in.

The ride on July 23 will make you crazy.  In fact, that was the theme song we choose for our wedding in Roatan over the weekend. Speaking of which, I generously offered to buy beers for the table with my new joint credit card.  Billy Boy McC, attorney at law, was quick to cite a bylaw describing a 72 hour cancellation/invalidation policy on brides.  So, I quietly retracted, rescinded and otherwise revoked the offer until a later date.  The crazy part of the wedding wasn’t the ceremony, but the run with the kids just prior to saying “I do” up a 25% grade for 1/4 mile.  Who thought 4 minutes could leave me limping for 3 days (and sweating for several hours, which made hair and makeup a null and void proposition) ?????

We are doing the inaugural Krazy Katzenbuechel ride on Monday.  I have not done recon, so there is no GPS link.  I’m estimating 40miles, but don’t hold me to that exactly.  I could make up the elevation, but you already know that my precision with elevation is drastically underestimated even with GPS.

PDF download map: Krazy Katz Map and Cue Sheet

Draft responsibly,

BrickO

We’ve weathered some rough stretched dolled out by Mother Nature this spring and summer, but Saturday could have single handedly counterbalanced all complaints uttered this cycling season.  The Circus in Baraboo was absolutely delightful (except for the aid stations, which didn’t materialize until mile 80) and well represented by the Drafters.  Congrats to Slow Cow, Whamo, Sandlot, Booker J, Vilks and Z Rex on their finishes.  Vilks was in the winner’s circle for Circus 2017, but in 2018, he took home the gold for Best Cycling Samaritan.  With a flat at the start, unnoticed by his teammates, who assumed he was already a mile ahead, Vilks rode like a bat out of Baraboo to catch Z and BrickO at mile 65.  Despite a 20 minute delay of game due to flat repair and a missed turn which cost him 2 miles, he maintained a positive attitude and pulling force which got us home in record time.  Setting aside the slight irritation at watching him loop back to get us after climbing several hills, we were grateful for the pull AND the cooler of Nitro Left Hand Milk Stout he had waiting at the finish line.

Sandlot and Whamo at the finish

Whamo holds onto a namesake beer for Slow Cow

The humidity was back for the Monday night ride to Fish and Crystal Lakes.  This did not deter cycling enthusiasts, as we had a showing of 20 Drafters, including one Newbie.

Zika, Loose Screw, Billy Boy, Cookie Monster, Footer, Skeeter Bait

Tick Tock, Ice Queen, Sandlot, PresDuracell,

Barefooter brought a friend, “Ripper”.  The name came with the man so I can’t tell you the etiology. I know that he designs mountain bike and downhill ski courses, but that would make me think his name should be Shredder?  I can tell you that his true Drafter purpose is “Skeeter Bait“.  He lured all the mosquitos at dinner to feast on him so the rest of us could eat in peace.  More impressively, he provided a feast for Tick Tock and B2 Bomber, who ate up the challenge Skeeter Bait posed at every climb.  It was clear by the time we reached Dane that there was to be an A team and B team.  B for BrickO.  The B team was led by the Pyrenees returnees, Billy Boy McC and Loose Screw, who charged up Crystal Lake Road as if it were the Tourmalet.  I could hear Billy Boy “neighing” on his Stallion bike as though in a Budweiser commercial.

Hit-the-Wall may have had a tear in his eye as the lakes came into view, “I’ve never made it this far”, he uttered.  And he wouldn’t have made it further had his cat like reflexes not saved him from colliding with a deer who bolted across Fish Lake.  The A team experienced a similar 4 -legged endeavor as a baby cow escapee meandered down Brererton, providing a slalom course for Skeeter Bait.

Pres pulled out his AAA card and called for roadside assistance on his inaugural ride of the summer.  “What is your roadside emergency?”  – “I’m out of gas”, Pres replied.  Turns out, AAA doesn’t lend roadside assistance to cyclists who run out of gas.  Nor do they fix flats.  Welcome to the FLAT TIRE club, Booker J!

The B team stayed together until the climb out of the valley on Hornung, at which time the C team was born.  C for Cheaters- BrickO, Z Rex and Loose Screw.  Turns out this was the only subset of Drafters who opted to take the short cut home on the bike path, cutting off 3 miles and 2 hills.  I solicited each Drafter as they crossed the finish line, hoping for at least one other cheater.  There were none. Shame on the C team.

Cheaters aren’t suppose to prosper, but I sure did.  Two big surprises were waiting at the finish line. My uncle John Boy and aunt Steph had ridden to the Free House (on a Harley, but we don’t discriminate.  A cyclist is a cyclist), and I was thrilled to see them 3 miles earlier than if I had ridden the whole route.  Coach Arms brought Baby Riley and I got first baby smells and rocking privileges.  The rest of the night is a blur, as I was lost in the magic of new life.  I do recall hearing Hit-the-Wall say, “What happened to all my money?” when it came time to pay the bill, and Cookie Monster finding a stash of $1s to help him cover dinner.  There’s more there than I want to tackle in this blog.  I remember Tick Tock scolding Sully, “You wrecked the Tour de France” after she gave up the crash highlights.  Mostly, I remember feeling like the luckiest person in the world to be surrounded by my Drafter family.  It took dueling cameras at both ends of the table to capture the crew.

Next week we will head to the wild wild west for a 35 mile jaunt.  Don’t be deceived by the simplicity of the route- I promise hills, including Vermont Church and Moen Valley.

Download PDF map for wild Wild West: West HHH 35

Garmin link to wild Wild West: Wild Wild West

Draft responsibly,

BrickO

Oops.  Please note my mistake on the last cue sheet (Garmin link was correct).  I inadvertently noted a short cut which would have deprived you from fully shaking the lake.

NOTE: Once we hit Crystal Lake Rd, we will not be taking the shortcut on Mussen Rd.  Instead, we will turn on Schhoppe to circumnavigate Fish Lake, and then climb our way out of the valley on Hornung.

Here’s hoping the Gran Fondo Circus 100 in Baraboo on Saturday sees some cool temperatures.  Best wishes for a safe and fun ride to all of the participants.  Slow Wandering Cow signed up for the Fond adventure.  Who knows what distance that might bring?

Draft responsibly,
BrickO