The sea of green was cool and collected 20 Drafters . The oppressive heat broke and we were free to roll without humidity weighing heavy on our legs.  The heat was still on, however, as we welcomed Newbie, Octane, to the Draft.  Exploding upon ignition (so fast, in fact, that he was gone before the staring photo could be snapped), and burning out quickly up Enchanted Valley, the new flame will be a great addition.

The weather was cool, but Bond came in hot.  I gauged his fashionably late departure to be approximately 25min, as this was the time interval required to change Pipe’s flat tire.  While the sea of green flowed through the roundabout on Parmenter, the air flowed out of Pipe’s rear tire. I learned of her induction into the Flat Tire club from Speedy, who sheepishly acknowledged skirting the Drafter Rule “leave no rider unassisted” by telling me of the mechanical issue. I  turned back to find Pipes and the contents of her bike bag spread out on the lawn for a flat tire picnic.  Pipes was digging deep into the cerebral aspects of the task, carefully organizing a buffet line of tubes and CO2.  The mechanical aspects of the task, however, were less forthcoming. 3 CO2 cartridges and 4 letter words were misfired and then we were off.  Flying down Schneider on CO2 (burning slower than Octane, but still a respectable gas), I yelled “car back” as I heard the rev of an approaching engine.  Imagine my surprise to be passed by Bond. Get your motor running, head out on the highway, looking for adventure and the yellow jersey comes his way.  Bond started late but finished with maillot jaune.

Tick Tock is usually up for a good fight for the podium, but after 500 miles of cycling in the moonscape of MI, he was happy to collect his overdue beer at Longtable.

Tick Tock vowed he was wearing his vintage velo Drafter jersey last Monday while cycling in MI, but has no digital proof.  Team Drafter Moto photographer, Skipper, clearly needs a travel budget.  I’m partial to keeping him local, however, shooting the landscape.  In addition to his photography skills, which he attributes to a steady hand (I’m going to leave that one alone), Skipper is one of our more versatile riders.  He’s seen here in the lead out, Chase 2 group, and lantern rouge off the peloton, dutifully photographing riders throughout the tour de Spring Valley.

 

The days are starting to get shorter, as evident by the long shadows cast by these Drafters.

Thing 2 returned to the Draft after MIA for 3 years and was reunited with Thing 1.

In the words of Dr. Seuss,

‘i will pick up the pace.
you will see something new.
two things. and i call them
Thing One and Thing Two.
these Things will not bite you.
they want to have fun.’
then, out of the Draft
came Thing Two and Thing One!
and they biked so fast.
they said, ‘how do you do?
would you like to ride bikes
with Thing One and Thing Two?’

In other warm-and-fuzzy news, Footer and C-Monster adopted furry siblings that will  be promoted to team mascot.  Fitting, since we are dog tired after Drafting on Monday nights.

If you want to meet one of the mascots, please join Footer for the Lake Ripley ride this Saturday followed by a cold beverage and dip in the lake and her cottage.  All Drafters are welcome.  BYOBB (bring your own bike and beer). Lake Ripley Sign Up Link

 

Next week we will ride Rock of Ages. Be prepared to suffer as the climbs will demand you pump the wattage into your quadage.  Further suffering will incur as Def Leppard’s Rock of Ages lyrics, “Gunter gliieben, glauchen globen” will be unmistakably replaced in the space between your ears by “Bitten, Buethin, Brereton, Bike Path (??)“. I prefer to ride home on Woodland, but Bike Path is more consistent with Def Lepppard’s alliteration (and makes Tick Tock happy). Rumor has it that former professional cyclist, friend of Footer and Skipper’s, regular end of July Drafter by way of Italy, KickAssK will be rocking the ages on Monday.  Bring your A game, or solid excuses.

PDF map to download: Rock of Ages 35

Garmin Link: Rock of Ages Garmin Link

Draft responsibly,

BrickO

The full moon spawned a wild ride for 18 Drafters. We were a smooth blend of new and old: C Monster, Tobacco City Boy and Z Rex retrieved their circa 2014 Velo jerseys from storage while new additions Pipes and Thing 1 cut off the tags from their recently arrived 2019 Hincapie kits.

Fashioning neither vintage nor brand spankin’ new Drafter kits, Cannibal opted for the Peter Sagan look.  The green jersey wasn’t the only striking similarity to the Tour de France sprinter phenom.  It is hard to ignore (or stop staring, for that matter) Cannibal’s tree stump legs.  But, let’s not focus on the superficial.  Hell, some of us can’t focus at all.  Pipes arrived early only to realize she had left her water bottles on the kitchen counter.  Back in the parking lot with minutes to spare until wheels-up (or wheels down? I don’t know if the flight analogy works), the Drafters were amused as she unloading her bike, one sock on, one sock off.  Preparations seemed to working in reverse, as the other sock came off and helmet dropped to the ground. And that’s when I realized what else was amiss… the front wheel. This is a first for the Draft.  Tough Girl has forgotten shoes, BrickO her sunglasses, but never a front wheel.  The annual end of the season awards ceremony may have a new category.  In fairness to Pipes, when she does focus, you best step aside and let the woman kick ass.  See Humbled podcast below.  You will truly be humbled.

Link to Humbled Podcast: Karen Kraft Rigsby

The Back Door to Church route threw us a curveball.  Actually, not so much a curveball as freshly laid pea gravel on the Blue Mounds Trail.  Similar to Stage 10 in the Tour, the group split, half deciding to take the long clockwise way around the Blue Mounds Tr loop and the other half taking the shorter counter-clockwise direction. Technical note: unlike the Tour, the longer way is always the correct route on Monday night.  This caused a serious gap between the lead group (lead group being singular, Bond), chase group and those Drafters who were off the Peloton (namely Pipes and BrickO, due to aforementioned Unicycle debacle 20 min delay).

The ride was hot and dry and the support vehicles weren’t able to navigate the pea gravel on Blue Mounds Tr, leaving the Drafters thirsty.  Ask and you shall receive.  The back door to Church provided water from the holy hose.

Duchess needed more than water from a hose to rectify his physiological situation.  Sandlot had her medical kit, and rendered aid, once again.  As I came across the dynamic duo in Cross Plaines, Duchess looking 3 shades of pale begging for an IV as Sandlot dutifully wiped his brow, the Paul McCartney song “Maybe I’m Amazed” came to me.

Maybe I’m amazed at the way
You pull me all the time
And maybe I’m afraid of the way
I draft you

Maybe I’m amazed at the way
You pulled me out of time
You put me on the line
Maybe I’m amazed at the way
I really need you

Maybe I’m a man
Maybe I’m a bonking man
Who’s in the middle of something
That he doesn’t really understand

Maybe I’m a man
Maybe you’re the only woman
Who could ever help me
Sandlot, won’t you help me to understand?

Maybe I’m a man
Maybe I’m a dehydrated man
Who’s in the middle of something
That he doesn’t really understand

Maybe I’m a man
And you’re the only woman
Who could ever help me
Sandlot, won’t you help me to understand?

Maybe I’m amazed at the way
You’re with me all the time
And maybe I’m afraid if I don’t get an IV

Maybe I’m amazed at the way
You help me ride along
You right me when I’m wrong
Maybe I’m amazed at the way
I really need you
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
Yeah, yeah
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
Yeah, yeah

All is well that ends well. 18 Drafters made their way safely back to the Free House, in the hood of darkness, guided by an eerie and magical full moon. Songs were sung.  Two, in particular.  Happy Birthday was sung out of tune but with enthusiasm to celebrate Speedy (and MegaWatt, who aged up the day before). The full moon inspired Bond to break into Bonnie Tyler’s iconic “Total Eclipse of the Heart”.

 

Not to get too sappy, but I appreciate all of you.  The Drafters are much more than a group of people who ride bikes together on Monday night.  We are a family who celebrates the simple joy of turning the pedals, understands the overpowering drive to hammer to claim the town sign, waits for those who bonk or forget their front wheel, share in births, birthdays, graduations, deaths and everything trivial in between that is the essence of life.  Thank you all for joining the Draft, for being the Draft.

Let’s see if I can buck the trend of proposing a route that includes road closure or pea gravel.  No promises.  We are going to do 38 mile route, Spring Valley with a Northern Twist. The Pine Rd short cut lops off 10 miles.

PDF map to download: Spring Valley with Northern Twist Cue Sheet

Garmin: Garmin link FH Spring Valley with a Twist

Draft responsibly,

BrickO

A perfect evening for a Draft.  21 riders including one newbie, Sparky.  Like the Fourth of July fireworks, she lit up the Draft!  She might be green, but it won’t be long before she is wearing the green jersey, assuming she can figure out where the finish line is.  The Spring Valley to Springfield route was complicated, and we had many deviations from the intended route, some intentional and others not.  Sparky got lost early in the ride, but made it back to base and was able to do a set of planks, push ups and a yoga session to earn her beer at Longtable with the Drafters. Knievel described his ride as “free lancing”.  Our front line included the 6’5″ and over trio of Slow Cow, Billy Bob and Aquaman. It was like riding in a vortex down Schneider Rd.  It was a force so strong that it pulled Loose Screw’s Garmin right off his mount! Bond was reluctant to leave behind such Draft protection to chase down the lead group: Bomber, Tick Tock, Vintage and Cannibal.  He almost had himself talked into chilling with the peloton… and then I noticed the twitching. It started in his fingers and rapidly spread to his quads.  That’s the last I saw of Bond.  I rode much of the first half on my own, behind the break away and just ahead of the peloton, until what to my wondering eyes did appear, Thing 1 on her new Cervelo bike gear.  We took turns pulling until we caught the lead group.  And by taking turns I mean Thing 1 pulled and I held on to her wheel, until I couldn’t.  Alone again. And then I had my yellow jersey glorious victory dance on Lodi-Springfield.  The lead pack, or at least the ones still in my view, missed the hard right onto Rauls, plummeting down the hill they had to then turn around and climb. Victory was mine, briefly, and the Beatles song rattled in my brain.

Let me take you down
‘Cause I’m going to Lodi-Springfield
Cold beer is real
And nothing to get hung about
Lodi-Springfield forever

Drafting is easy with eyes closed
Green Drafter jerseys all you see
It’s getting hard to catch Tick Tock
But it all works out.

It doesn’t matter much to me

Let me take you down
‘Cause I’m going to Lodi-Springfield
Cold beer is real
And nothing to get hung about
Lodi-Springfield forever

A few Drafter Birthdays that I would like to toast: happy birthday to Caboose and Speedy!

The photo competition is starting to heat up.

 

We will head west next week and take the back door to church.

PDF map to download: Back Door To Church

Garmin Link to Back Door to Church

Draft responsibly,

BrickO

Ten little Drafters went out to climb; Sandlot took a wrong turn and then there were nine.
Nine little Drafters pedaled at a very fast rate; Klutch rode home early and then there were eight.
Eight little Drafters thought Crystal Lake was heaven; Bond turned up the watts and then there were seven.
Seven little Drafters sprinted for kicks; Vintage went ahead and then there were six.
Six little Drafters went into overdrive; Thing 1 caught Vintage and then there were five.
Five little Drafters wanting to push the ride more; Booker J broke a cable and then there were four.
Four little Drafters included Rex Z; until a hill swallowed him up and then there were three.
Three little Drafters with a rogue map didn’t know what to do; Tick Tock took a right and then there were two.
Two little Drafter girls having such fun; until Footer rode straight home to Waunakee and then there was one.

One little Drafter thought she was the last to be done; BrickO set out late to join Pipes so that none would be none.

We will make a second attempt to ride the 42 mile Spring Valley to Springfield route, which was rained out two weeks ago.

PDF map to download: Spring Valley to Springfield

Garmin Link: FH Spring Valley to Springfield via bike path

Post-ride libations will be at Longtable.  We will delay the Vintage Velo ride until the following week when we are back at the Free House.

There is one new entry for the photo competition, submitted by E$.  It may have wrangled itself into first place.

 

Looking for another fun event?  Check out this link: Lake Ripley Ride Sat July 27

Draft responsibly and enjoy a safe July 4th.

BrickO

Hey Drafters-

I think the Garmin Link to Crystal Lake in the last post may not have worked.  Try this one:

Crystal Lake Garmin Link

PDF map: Crystal 36

There is washout on Lodi-Springfield Road, on the uphill just past Highway P.  Otherwise, the route looked great when I did recon this AM.  Enjoy the great warm weather and cold beer at Free House.  I will be there in spirit, but will miss the ride tonight.

We will shoot for Vintage Velo night next week.

Draft responsibly,

BrickO

Change of plan for Monday July 1.  I’m opting for a shorter more succinct route as I will not be in attendance.  As such, Vintage Velo jersey night will be further delayed until a time when I can drink free beer with the Drafters.

The route includes Crystal Lake, but we need to avoid Fish Lake due to flooding.

PDF map to download: Crystal 36

Garmin link from Middleton Hills: Garmin MH Crystal Lake

Draft responsibly,

BrickO

Vintage night is on hold.  The rain has foiled our plans to sport our retro Velo jerseys and drink free beer.  Even if the rain stops, the roads will be too slick for this Drafter to venture out. But, I hope that you all raise a glass and toast two Vintage riders who welcomed a new baby boy into the Draft last evening! Congrats to Tobacco City Boy and Dan-yelly.

 

Since we aren’t riding, I will post some Vintage photos of Drafters who I hope to see next week sporting their Velo jerseys.

 

Some of the half century Drafters gathered over the weekend to ride as many miles.  A big thanks to our sponsors who provided t-shirts and cookies for the event.

See you next week for the Spring Valley to Springfield ride.

Draft responsibly,

BrickO

The Four Seasons may have summed up the night best. The lyrics worked even better when I had miscounted 23 riders. Giddy with the thought of reaching an all-time high Drafter attendance of 23, I revamped the lyrics “late December back in 63” from Oh What A Night.  Alas, math skills have eluded me for half a century. Wait, maybe I miscounted and I’m only 49?  I didn’t have the heart or energy to find a new song to celebrate a tie for the record high 22 riders, so this will have to do.

Oh, what a ride
Late June summer we had 22
What a very special time for me
As I pedaled on, what a night

Oh, what a night, you know I didn’t even know the route
But I was never gonna be left out
I’m a Drafter, what a night

Oh, I, I got a funny feelin’ when we turned onto Meek
Oh my, as I recall it ended much too soon

Oh what a night, redirectin’ GPSing me
Lodi wasn’t ev’rything I dreamed she’d be

Sweet surrender, what a night

The best laid plans often go awry, and they did just that on the Lodi Canning Company route.   My reconnoissance mission noted the stretch of gravel on Meek Road, which has been left unattended and unpaved for several years.  My recon did not decipher the county’s plans to dig it up and insert culverts on Monday, June 24 at 6:30PM.  I’m sure at their core, the construction crew is a lovely group of men, but their sympathetic overtones to our impasse predicament were unmistakably lacking. Oh what a night.  With perfect temperatures and little wind, we were content to reroute and still capture 40 of the finest miles Dane County has to offer.

Drone Master was feeling his full watt potential, hanging comfortably with the lead group, and visibly disappointed when Meek ended much too soon.  A bit mystified by his new found quad powers, he admitted, “I don’t know why I feel so good, but I don’t want to turn around yet.  Who knows how long this will last?”  Sandlot was also feeling the force as she stuck with the lead pack for 11.5 miles.  Aware of my propensity for math errors, she was pretty clear that is was 11.5 and not 11.4.  Hubby Duchess chimed in with the collective “we”.  They may stand side by side in marriage, but on a bike, for better, for worse, Sandlot is out front pulling her weight and his for 11.5.  You’re killing me, Smalls.

Kudos to those Drafters who pumped the wattage into their quadage at the Horribly Hilly Hundreds on Saturday, and showed up Monday to Draft: Z Rex, Billy Bob, Loose Screw, Booker J, Knievel and a Newbie, Bond.  As in James Bond.  Q must have rigged up some sort of metabolic device in lab, cause Bond showed no signs of fatigue on the HHH. And he has stealth mode, unlike the rest of us who give away our position on the climbs with heavy breathing.  He did show one sign of weakness.  Suffice to say the moniker “Pit Stop” has already been assigned. Although not a MI6 agent with access to Q’s R&D, Booker J’s legs seemed curiously void of lead. He rode hot into the staging area, not slowing down to drop his book bag into a sag vehicle. Booker J opted for the extra weight as we headed, misguided as it turns out, to Lodi.

Kudos to the smarter cohort of Drafters who rode the HHH and elected not to ride on Monday: Bomber, Hundo, Zeno and Rumble.  A big thanks to Thing 1 and Vintage, who dutifully made more PB&J sandwiches in one afternoon volunteering at the Graveyard than they have collectively made over their life times.

The HHH wasn’t the only event on Saturday that deserves recogniton. Drone Master signed up for the Comfortably Flat 25.  Not familiar with it? We are currently consulting with Race Day Events and Cronometro, and all the sponsors who made the HHH an epic event experience, to gauge their interest in becoming official sponsors of the Comfortably Flat 25 next year. Other sponsors may include Advil, Evil Twin and Pizza Brutta.

 

VINTAGE VELO NIGHT: our group has grown dramatically since 2013.  To honor our original members, please wear your VINTAGE VELO jersey, the first Drafter jerseys we created.  Free beer at the Free House to anyone sporting that jersey.

 

Next week we will retrace our steps from 2 weeks ago, headed out Enchanted Valley to Spring Valley.  Instead of heading back via the Bambi route, we will go north on KP and ultimately wind up on the bike path in Springfield.

Garmin Link from Middleton Hills: FH Spring Valley to Springfield to Bike Path

NOTE: When we did this route last year, I inadvertently stayed on County Road V, missing the left turn onto Loper (see incriminating evidence below). While this makes for a nice little short cut, I turned back and finished out the ride north on Loper to the intended right turn on Lueth.  Be aware of this as your Garmin Link will tell you to do the same.  Tick Tock must have been in charge, because we took the bike path home (40miles).  Again, this is how the Garmin Link will direct you.  Feel free to add on two miles by coming home Baltes to Kick-A-Boo.

SHORT OPTION 38 miles: From Hwy 19, skip going north on KP and travel east past Indian Lake.  Then finish with the Cocktail Ride, heading left up Matz Rd to Collins Ridge.

PDF map to download: Spring Valley to Springfield

Draft responsibly,

BrickO

The Drafter’s celebrated a milestone on Monday night.  Our newest Drafter brought the membership grand total to:

Twice the number of times I’ve journey around the sun

Age of the Grand Canyon

2/3 as tall as the Chicago Water Tower in feet

Length of a football field in yards

Welcome to the Draft, Hundo.  That isn’t really an accurate handle, as our newest drafter is worth a million.

It was an eventful ride, starting with 20mph headwinds, one mph for each Drafter present.  Our 6’5″ Drafter Billy Bob generously offered Draft protection, with the caveat that we not exceed 14mph.  Cannibal was hungry for speed, and opted to take the first pull.  Pedaling with a purpose but no map, he led himself out Airport Rd while the rest of us dutifully turned onto the bike path. Cannibal wasn’t the only one hungry. Vintage raided his homemade carbo stash 0.5 miles into the ride.  The former chef prepared his own concoction this week, avoiding another GI sabotage effort by his spouse, Thing One.  Coach Arms shared some personal strategies on how competitive couples can encourage athletic success with only subtle hints of sabotage.

Sabotage seemed to be the resounding theme on the Spring Valley route. Cannibal and Slow Wandering Cow  independently got lost, and together joined the FLAT TIRE CLUB. Slow Cow wandered so far off the grid that he had to call an Uber to get home.  While waiting for his Uber, Slow Cow made friends with a farmer and his cattle. A name by another name is still a Slow Cow.  Turns out, it was the same surly Uber driver who serviced his flat tire SOS call the day before.  Cronometro has a fine supply of tubes and CO2 cartridges should you seek an alternative means to be rescued from a flat tire incident.  It is all about having the right equipment to deal with adversity.  Slinger was well equipped to fill a flat tire, but had nothing to remedy his empty stomach. Maybe we should consider having Vintage provide Chef on Call road side bonk assistance? Luckily, Z Rex was available to pull him the last few (25 of 36) miles home. Ironically, Slinger’s wife Mickey, who was riding elsewhere flatted.  After barely making it back on his empty tank, Slinger was called to rescue her.  I think I might host a TIPS FOR CHANGING A FLAT TIRE seminar next week.

There will be a petition circulating next week to rename Turkey Road to Bambi Drive.  An unexpected saboteur in the form of a deer collided with Pipes, throwing her from her new Scott bike (maybe Pipes can pick up some tubes and CO2 for Slow Cow when she takes her bike into Cronometro for repairs).  Perhaps she rides like Thumper or smells like Flower?  We may never know what prompted Bambi to leap from the rocky cliff, but I would like to think it was a well intended, albeit ill fated attempt to greet his friend.

Pipes, or maybe more appropriated handled Thumper, was not the only rider to crash this week. I’m accumulating crash photos for our annual awards banquet.  Thus far, Skipper is in the lead for most stitches, Duchess for most epidermis shed, and Z Rex for most brilliant fall colors.

Speaking of Skipper, catch his podcast here: Fat Bike Radio

Sandlot played it safe and elected for a gravel adventure in lieu of Spring Valley.

All Drafters accounted for, we were grateful for food and drink at the Free House.

A few upcoming events worthy of casting the Drafter good luck charm (not the same one used to summon Bambi or the Flat Tire fairy):

• Dan-yelly is approaching her due date.  Tobacco City Boy didn’t stay to imbibe after the ride as he wanted to be home quickly to keep a watchful eye on on his very pregnant wife.  May the force be with you.
• Cookie Monster is preparing to defend her PhD preliminary proposal this week.  I don’t know anything about biomedical engineering, but if her proposal is anything close to the perfection of her monster cookie recipe, she’s golden.
• Horribly Hilly Hundreds riders are gearing up for what looks to be a stormy event on Sat.  Let’s keep the rubber on the road and eye on the prize (Culver’s custard at the finish line).  We don’t need anyone on the podium for the road rash award.

A big congratulations to Tree of Rown who shaved off 40min from her half IM time last year!   I’m sure the Drafter water bottle in the rear cage played a pivotal role in fueling her to a strong finish.

Next week we will enjoy the Lodi Canning Company route.  This is a fairly flat 41 mile route, with shorter options (20 mile out and back to Dane, or a cut off on Stevenson for 30 miles). A bit of caution on the 30 mile route as you will need to ride on P for a short bit.

Download map PDF: Lodi Canning 40 30 20

Garmin Link: Lodi Canning Co. GPS

Draft responsibly,

BrickO

Did I say the Roxbury route would be long but not grueling? Shame on me.  And shame on those of you who believed me.

Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale,
A tale of a fateful ride
That started from this parking lot
18 Drafters side by side.

The mate was a mighty cycling woman,
The Skipper brave and sure.
The bicyclists set out that day
For a three hour tour, a three hour tour.

Navigating started getting rough,
The tiny map was tossed,
If not for the courage of the fearless crew
The Drafters would be lost, the Drafters would be lost.

The bikes sped down on the shoulder of this uncharted dirt road
With Bare Footer
The Skipper too,
And a Drafter called Pipes with drool

So this is the tale of our castaways,
They’re here for a long, long time,
They’ll have to make the best of things,
It’s an uphill climb.

Bare Footer and the Skipper too,
Will do their very best,
To make drooling Pipes comfortable,
In their Dane County back roads nest.

No phone, no lights, no motor car,
Not a single luxury,
Like Robinson Crusoe,
It’s primitive as can be.

So join us here each week my friend,
You’re sure to get a smile,
From three stranded castaways,
Out at Roxbury Tavern.

The tales these castaways shared kept things lively at the LongTable.

Skipper had just fought the Battle of Cam Rock WORS on Sunday, and apparently mistook the Drafter ride to be part of the Wisconsin Off  Road series.  Barefooter and Pipes blindly followed their fearless leader to Roxbury Tavern. The first sign that the tour was going to be extended occurred just after the leaving Roxbury, when the crew passed three non-Drafters who exclaimed, “Hey, a bunch of riders in those same green jerseys went the other way!”.  The crew extended the tour to 48 miles, just shy of a half century.  Footer voted to ride circles around the parking to claim those extra 2 miles, but Pipes declined.  With drool and snot impairing her vision for most of the adventure, she misread the “Look for Fallen Rocks” sign on Katzenbuechel Rd (aka Katzenpukel) as “Look for Fallen Drafters”.  Pipes caught her second wind, and second beer back at Longtable, but not the second mile to make it an even 50. The Yoga Master muttered, “Namaste upright for at least 20 min to drink this beer.”

Three other Drafters elected to start the tour early.  We spotted Billy Bob in Drafter green riding out Airport Rd as we were driving to the staging area a few minutes after 5PM. Slow Cow  followed suit, uttering as he rolled out “let the hazing begin!” Or did he say, “let the grazing begin”?  Apparently, Slow Cow is also a member of the Wisconsin Off Road series, as he neglected his map and started the route in reverse.  We came across Billy Bob and Slow Cow shamelessly consulting their GPS. If you want to start and finish early, my money is on Drone Master. Perhaps it takes a degree in aerospace engineering to decipher my directions? Drone Master takes it one step further, mysteriously joining the Draft mid-route and curiously disappearing and reappearing on the other side of most major climbs.  Even so, he gently reminded me, “you don’t have to use ALL of the daylight on these rides”.

I decided this was a  good ride to attempt to hang with the lead group, since Bomber’s legs were still suffering from his Dirty Kanza Gravel race on Sat (he took 17th overall?!!) and Booker J went back to back with the Trek 100 on Sat and the 70 mile Ride for the Arts in Milwaukee on Sunday. Sandlot and Duchess also battled the elements to complete the Trek 100.  Duchess made a desperate attempt to unseat Evel Knievel for the largest hematoma award.  Carefully timing his crash so as to go from max speed of 24mph to zero, he is in contention for the award.  Our Drafter reporter caught up with Duchess for a brief interview. “After a brief survey of the carnage—no broken bones, bike still rideable, but no longer pristine—after getting my clock cleaned, I shook off the cobwebs, applied Rule 5 and proceeded to ride the remaining 75 miles.  Link: Velominati Rules

I wanted to brag about the Hyde and Seek Z Rex and I played on Friday, but after hearing of these real rode adventures, I kept silent about my tired legs after our comparably little 70 mile ride to Hyde Mill.  The picture is worth sharing- not for the two yardbirds in it, but to appreciate a stone mill that has stood the test of time (build in 1850). I told my 50 year old body to harden the F* up (see Velominati Rule #5).

Also in the lead group were Tick Tock,  Vintage and Thing 1. Recently securing her first job since graduating from PT school afforded Thing 1 a new carbon beauty, complete with dish wheels.  I was tempering the fatigue of Bomber and Booker J with the uncertainty of messing with youth on dish wheels. Experience certainly counts- I’ve biked more years than she’s lived, but Thing 1 can bring the hurt.   I can always count on Tick Tock to do the lion’s share of the work, so I took a chance and ventured boldly with the lead group.  Luckily, Thing 1 sabotaged her husband by feeding Vintage copious amounts of sugar.  He didn’t bonk, but nearly vomited.  Thing 1 was also thrown off her game when she realized her new bike computer was equipped to display percent grade. There was some serious swearing as we climbed Dunlap Hollow. “16 f*ing %!” Sometimes ignorance is bliss. All was going according to plan until Tick Tock dropped a chain on Enchanted Valley.  Vintage and Thing 1 took the lead, while I hung back with Booker J and Bomber to make sure Tick Tock had no other mechanical issues.  What we lost in time we (collective we) gained in adrenaline.  There was no chance Tick Tock was going to play Domestique without some glory.  Booker J and Bomber were shot (see Dirty Kanza and Trek 100 results), I can’t pull a pace line to save my large posterior chain, but Tick Tock executed a masterful slingshot move to pull us past the youngsters.

It was a glorious finish, but I should go back to the start where we welcomed another Newbie, Violet.  Friend of Vintage and Thing 1, Violet was overheard in the parking lot expressing his predilection for hills.  I couldn’t make him eat his words, but he did eat the flowers in my salad.  Bomber may want to consider ordering a bowl of violets next time. Forgetting a clean shirt, he wore his very sweet sweat smelling Drafter jersey to dinner.  I’m not an authority on relationships (ask husband 1), but my advice to Bomber in his quest to find a significant other would be less sweat equity.  He’s convinced the bright green jersey is key to attracting a mate. While that may be true for hummingbirds who lack a sense of smell and are attached to bright colors, I think a clean bright green jersey might be a more viable option.

Not all Drafters can make Monday night, but exemplify the spirit of the Draft on their own schedule.

In preparation for the upcoming Horribly Hilly Hundreds, we will be riding a page out of their book. This is a 36ish ride (GPS from Middleton Hills vs Free House) with 2 options for shorter routes (Pine or Turkey).

PDF map to download: Spring Valley

Garmin Link (note this is from Middleton Hills, not Free House): Middleton Hills to Spring Valley

Draft responsibly,

BrickO