The Cocktail Ride brought a 2019 record high attendance of 16 Drafters, including 4 Newbies.

So many Newbie tales to tell.  Vintage (husband of Thing 1, who briefly enlisted in the 2016 Draft) stood out right from the start.  His old school drop shifters  gave the appearance of a guy who wasn’t up to speed.  Appearances (or in this case disappearances) can be deceiving.  Vintage disappeared from the middle of the pack and continued to “stand out”  front for us to Draft.

The only thing more visibly out of place than vintage shifters was the bulge in Knievel’s shorts.  The bulge was coming laterally from his hip- don’t think this blog has gone naughty. This Newbie has a penchant for connecting with the pavement.  Nothing says “I’m a cyclist” more clearly than road rash, and in Evel Knievel’s case, a greater trochanter the size of an orange.  Knievel’s hip fruit garnished our Cocktail Ride beautifully.

Not that the Draft promotes the competitive spirit … but you can’t squelch the natural desire to suffer.  Like beer, more is better, within the loose framework of moderation.   With that, Han Solo went out hard and suffered with the best of them, namely Bomber. On a mission  to make his daughter’s band concert at 7PM , Bomber was motivated to push the pace (on his gravel bike).  Being a smart young man (I know this first hand, as he was one of my former students), and confident in his Drafter manlinesss,  when Han came to the fork in the road, he took the one less long.  Han headed solo down the bike path,  and the force was with him.

I waited for our final Newbie at said fork. And waited.  And waited.  Who knew there was an equivalent to the Bermuda Triangle right here in Dane County?  It apparently swallowed him up and spit him back out at the Free House as though he’d just come from a beach vacation-  relaxed in flip flops, cool white sunglasses with cocktail in hand.  Bermuda really embodied the  Cocktail Ride.  Meanwhile, Klutch (as in the German term Klatch, describing his indefatigable capacity for conversation modified to a more suitable English spelling) was gracious enough to backtrack with me in search of Bermuda.  I now have verification that Klutch is 1) a nice guy, 2) can talk at the same rate at any aerobic intensity and 3) that I cannot.   All is well that ends well, and our night ended with wonderful celebrations of Coach Arms and the Women’s Badger Hockey Team National Title and birthdays (Nurse Sully and Pipes). 

A few announcements:

• Hincapie Drafter 2019 kits on on their way.  If you won’t be home Friday to sign for your package, please go to the FedEx website to manage your delivery.
• If you did not order new Drafter gear and would like to, let me know.  If there are at least 10 pieces (shorts, bibs, jerseys, jackets, vests, etc) I will open up the store.
• If you ride, please be sure I have your cell phone number and you have mine.  While I am not liable for your safety, I won’t sleep well if I think you’ve been swallowed up in the Bermuda Triangle. May no Drafter be left behind.  I strongly encourage riding with a buddy whenever possible. And please text me if you do a U-turn so that I know you are safe.
• We will be imbibing at Longtable after the Lodi ride on May 13.
• Two more ride opportunities that are really fun, and unfortunately fall on the same date, Sept 28.  Registration for both will be opening soon.

Bike the Barn Quilts Info Link

Our next Draft will find us stuck in Lodi again. There are shorter options, including 25 and 35 mile routes.  The full route is 40 miles, pending being swallowed by the Bermuda Triangle.

PDF Map: Lodi Marsh 40 and Hyer Loop 25

Lodi GPS (these GPS coordinates start from Middleton Hills vs Free House)

Draft responsibly,

BrickO

When I advised showing up with more Brawn than Brains for the ride, B2 Bomber and von Diesel took me seriously. They met up for a pre-ride 12 mile “warmup” (no doubt with VO2 max intervals), finishing just in time to lead out a dozen Drafters.  Side note: they did not take Mother Nature serioulsy last week, choosing the old school method of sniffing the wind for rain instead of relying on modern radar.  Mother Nature rewarded them with a shower, but luckily not a jolt of electricity.  Too Hip did an extended warm up as well, biking to work at 5AM in the rain, and then biking from work out to Cross Plaines as he missed us at the start.  He blew by the Draft on Timber donning a seemingly heavy backpack.  Drafter officials were suspicious and confiscated said backpack.  While body mass to power ratio was not hindered by the pack (all show, no go), it did not contain EPO or other performance enhancing drugs.  Too Hip is too awesome.

We welcomed our first Kiwi to the Draft.  It is too early to tell if he can hold his own on a bike, but there is no doubt he can hold his own in a conversation.  The Kiwi met C-Monster and Footer while out riding Wednesday night, and chatted them up long enough to learn about the Draft.  This Kiwi can Klatch. Pipes, brandishing her new Scott bike, was intrigued by his discussion of grinding cat food with mortar and pestle, but could offer nothing in return as no oxygen molecules could be sacrificed for the sake of coffee klatching.

We changed up our beer drinking venue a bit, and were delighted with the selection at Longtable.  Bomber didn’t get the pre-ride memo regarding venue change- one of the perils of “warming up”.  First off the bike, and the last to the table.  I’m not sure how long he sat at the Free House, or how many beers he had alone, but he did finally join the Draft across the street. There is something for everybody at Longtable.  Pipes, BrickO and Footer went to the dark side while C-Monster kept it light.  Pipes spilled $4 worth of her ClusterFudge.  She can hold onto an oar long enough to win two Olympic metals but not a damn beer?????  Clearly, more training is required.  I’m just the coach she’s looking for.

Happy Birthdays to Nurse Sully and Pipes this week!  I’m happy for company in the half century club.  Sully has been a “long time” card holder and paved the way for us into the club.  With those celebrations in mind, let’s ride the Tom Collins cocktail route.  This is a moderate 30 mile route with a shorter 25 mile option that can be achieved by taking the bike path home.

PDF map for download and print: Tom Collins 30 25

GPS link Tom Collins

A reminder that University Ave is under construction between Park St and Parmenter, so allow extra time to detour to the start.

Looking for an event?  The Wisconsin Gran Fondo series is under new management, but SAME ownership.  Enough said, for those who rode these 3 events last year without much in the way of food or water.  This Driftless area event just popped up on my radar and we are giving it a go.  We would love your Drafter company.

Link: 17th Annual Syttende Mai Bicycle tour

For those who like their rides dirty: The Bear Gravel Ride

Draft responsibly,

BrickO

Despite my competitive nature, I don’t think picking a fight with Mother Nature is in our best interest, especially on Earth Day.  The deck is stacked in her favor.  While the forecast on my iPhone looks hopeful for a ride,

Z Rex’s avionics intel is telling me otherwise:

Based on the latter, it appears red (bad) is going to hit hard around 6PM.  I thought about meeting at 5:30 and doing a short loop,  staying closer to home base should the skies let loose.  But that makes me look desperate, and I’m not wanting Mother Nature to have that impression of me, especially on Earth Day.

I will see you next week for a Mulligan on the No Brains and All Brawn route.

Draft responsibly,

BrickO

Welcome Newbies!   4 Newbies rounded out our group to 14 Drafters who were, in the words of the famous  Bob Dylan, blowing in the wind. The day was gorgeous until 5:30PM, when the sun dipped behind the clouds and the wind began to howl. And so it goes.

Bomber and Captain had some fuel to light their cycling fire as Newbie von Diesel joined the front line. He is used to chasing down Bomber on skis, and two wheels gives him another opportunity.  Booker J brought two friends- well, I’m not sure they are friends as Booker J didn’t exactly convey the topography of the route.  One said Newbie climbed half-way up Enchanted Valley and turned around.  Welcome to the Draft, Half Pipe!  13% is a steep debut. Booker J’s other “friend” showed up on a single speed.  I give the man credit- he never quit, although I could hear his heart beating from several hundred yards away.

The wind was relentless, which made conversing a challenge.  I thought I heard Footer say, “The Pixie is bringing up the rear” when in fact she said, “The Fixie is bringing up the rear.”  That Footer doesn’t differentiate a single speed from a fixed gear is a topic for another day- for now, I am content with his new Drafter handle.  Welcome to the Draft, Pixie!

Last (literally) but not least (far from it), our very own Drafter yoga Master, Pipes, made her inaugural Draft.  To note, she was last only because Caboose is off honeymooning in Jamaica. Congrats to the happy couple!  I am quite sure that if rode UBEs (upper bike ergometers) instead of using our legs to pedal, Pipes would put all to shame.  Climbing up Enchanted Valley, I glanced back and caught her in full Vrschikasana pose, pedaling with her arms and steering with her legs.

The only silver lining to the ferocious wind was that is was mostly blowing at a cross.  We were fanned out like geese to reduce the wind.  Captain Joe was behind  Skipper‘s right calf and I was flanking his left.  I’m not sure I’ve ever noticed the shear mass of his gastrocnemii- they provided at least 50W of savings, each.  Maybe my kankles could offer similar Draft protection?  Dr. Wampus (who promises to Draft soon) has diagnosed me with an accessory soles, so I don’t REALLY have kankles.  It just looks like I do.

The ride for Monday April 22 will require more Brawn than Brains.  We will venture west towards Cross Plains.  The construction through town has been completed, so there will be no need for Dan-yelly to repeat her off road adventure through the yards of these fine townspeople.  There are a few respectable climbs up Braun and Old Sauk Pass, but I don’t think you will need a dinner plate- yet.

Garmin link Brains and Brawn

PDF map for download Union Valley Brains and Brawn 30

Draft responsibly,

BrickO

The inaugural Draft was a bit drafty.  Thanks to gale force winds out of the south-southwest, 14 Drafters felt like rockstars leaving the corral and heading north.  BrickO and Z Rex were sure to take turns pulling early (read: while tail winds were strong), leaving the Highway Men to do the dirty work on the way home.   Too Hip and Tick Tock definitely earned their cold draft at the Free House, pulling us through the wind tunnel.  These Highway Men did not miss a day commuting throughout the winter months (need I remind you of the snow fall and sub-zero temperatures in Feb?) and it showed in their quadriceps strength and mitochondrial density.  All I have to show for my “winter training”, which consisted of a serious Netflix regime and sampling of dark and mysterious microbrews, is a few more adipocytes.  Time to taper, I think…

The route was pretty straightforward, or so I thought. Tough Girl ignored the GPS coordinates and posted map, ending up in Waunakee.  What is that saying about the road less traveled (by someone wearing his wife’s bike shorts- or is that a different literary work)?  When accused of getting lost, Tough Girl retorted, “I wasn’t lost.  I live in Waunakee and knew exactly where I was. I just didn’t know the bike route.”

Despite nothing but sunshine (and wind) in the forecast, we rode hard to escape the looming black rain clouds that appeared approximately 2 miles into the ride.  Tick Tock muttered under his breath as we rode into town, “We couldn’t get out from under it the entire ride”,  to which I jubilantly responded, “Yeah, but we never got wet”.  Famous last words.  Let it rain, let it rain, let it rain.  It wasn’t so much the volume of water that fell as it was the tenacity with which the drops struck (Z Rex counted 12, confirmed by the divots on Sandlot’s helmet).

Drone Master is currently running unopposed for “best dressed” Drafter.  He looked stunning in his green kit, but I’m talking about the post-ride wardrobe.  This guy is brilliant- not only does he cut the ride short by stopping at his house on the way into town, but he showers, shaves, puts on cologne and looks fresh as a daisy for dinner at the Free House.  Table for One, please.

A few riders represented the Draft from east to west in the south.  From Sanibel (Tobacco City Boy and Billy Bob) to Arizona (Nurse Sully), green was seen (or making a scene, probably both).  From far reaching corners of the county, we were represented earlier in the day (some folks just can’t wait to get in their miles) from Fitchburg (CM and Vilks) to Middleton (Captain Joe). I appreciate flying the colors even when you can’t join us.  Mysteriously absent was Bomber.  His teammate, Slinger, confessed that Bomber might need some alone time after pulling him (literally, with a rope) mid-Adventure race due to a pedal mechanical failure on Saturday.  Rumor has it that Bomber also rode the Railroad Roubaix route on Sunday (in the rain, as you may recall), just because Saturday didn’t kill him.

The route for next week, April 15th, will head west to  Disenchanted Valley to test your quadriceps strength and mitochondrial density.  We won’t attempt the full Spring Valley loop quite yet as we need to leave something hillacious to look forward to when the days grow warmer and longer.  For now, we will take the short cut on Pine Rd (~27miles).  There are a few nasty pot holes on Enchanted Valley before the Autumn Pond subdivision.  WATCH THE GRAVEL at the bottom of Schuman Rd and Spring Valley.  KP is more pot hole than asphalt. Imagine yourself as Peter Sagan bunny hopping his way to victory on the cobbles of Paris-Roubiax.  Other than that, it is delightful.

PDF map to download:  Pine Loop

Garmin link Pine Loop

One more thought to share: as we drafter out Pheasant Branch Road on Monday, I was struck by the number of beer cans (I counted over a dozen can of Fosters- who drinks that??) and countless other pieces of garbage.  It makes me sad, as I do think we owe our planet a bit more respect.  So, I’m thinking maybe we can give back a little to the earth that allows us the opportunity to ride around on it.  I have put in an application for “Adopt-A-Highway” on behalf of the Drafters, specially requesting that stretch of road.  Should we be selected, the commitment is 3 clean-ups between April and November.  I’m happy for any and all help, should we be selected.  Beer will be provided for all who participate.  And it won’t be Fosters or Duchess.

Draft responsibly,

BrickO

The forecast looks promising for our 2019 inaugural Draft, at least for today.  Snow tomorrow, so let’s make the most of this window of opportunity to Draft.  We will start with a short 25 mile loop due north taking the Hyer Rd cut off at P.  Watch for gravel at Pheasant Branch and Meffert Rd.

• Wheels up 5:30 sharp from the parking lot on Parmenter. As you may recall from seasons past, the Draft waits for no one at the start, and everyone during the ride. If you are running late, consider parking at the Pheasant Branch Conservancy and joining the pack on the fly.
• Bring a blinky light, helmet (duh), and tools to repair a flat.  Bomber has had two already, a healthy start to reclaiming his championship title from Skipper.  Vilks is making a strong attempt at the title as well.  Skipper, on the other hand, seems more interested in creating a new championship bracket for most stitches.  I will order more trophies.

• Drinking and other debauchery will commence after the Draft at the Free House. Amy will once again take care of us.  Please tip her well.
• Happy birthday to Hit-The-Wall

PDF map to download: Hyer Loop 25

Garmin Link

Draft responsibly,

BrickO

Due to high winds and low interest, we will delay the start of the drafting season. Don’t be afraid to get dirty in the meantime. It’s a perfect day for that.

Monday Night! by the Middleton City Drafters (with back up vocals by the Bay City Rollers)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7BKKaKT_dtM

M-O-N-D-A-Y night!
M-O-N-D-A-Y night!
M-O-N-D-A-Y night!
M-O-N-D-A-Y night!

Gonna keep on biking
To the rock and roll
On Monday night, Monday night
Cyclin’ to the rhythm
In our heart and soul
On Monday night, Monday night

I-I-I-I
Just can’t wait
I-I-I-I gotta date

I’m good at the ol’ climb and roll
Drafter ride, I’ve gotta go!
Monday night
Monday night

Gonna climb it up
Roll it down
Take a pull, ride like a bull
Monday night
Monday night

M-M-M-Monday night
M-M-M-Monday night
M-M-M-Monday night

M-O-N-D-A-Y night!
M-O-N-D-A-Y night!
M-O-N-D-A-Y night!
M-O-N-D-A-Y night!

Gonna draft with my buddies
‘Til the night is through
On Monday night
Monday night

I-I-I-I love to ride
I-I-I-I’m so glad not to be inside
On Monday night
Monday night

M-O-N-D-A-Y night!
M-O-N-D-A-Y night!
M-O-N-D-A-Y night!

M-M-M-Monday night
M-M-M-Monday night
M-M-M-Monday night
M-M-M-Monday night

Winter was good to the Drafters.  Here’s a brief recap of a few memorable moments.

Indoor training at CXC kept us warm on cold winter nights, and also highly entertained. Fish-N-Boots had several wardrobe malfunctions, including forgetting cycling shoes which necessitated cycling in winter boots, and mistaking his wife’s cycling shorts for his own.

Not all of us stayed inside.  A fair number of Drafters ventured out on two skis instead of two wheels.  I’d like to say that I was one of the Birkie finishers, but alas, the photo is not of the Birkie finish. Cookie Monster and E$ weren’t fatigued enough after the Birkie, so traveled to Switzerland to do another ski marathon.

Skipper wasn’t afraid to bike in a little weather.  I wouldn’t be either if I could grow a beard like his (with my recent half century accomplishment, that shouldn’t be far off)! Look for more opportunities to bike with Skipper this summer as we kick off the Dirty Drafter rides at CamRock.

A few beardless Drafters sought out warm weather riding excursions this winter.

And some winter victories didn’t involve a bike at all.  Congrats to Coach Arms and the Badger Women’s Hockey National Champions!

We will aim to kick off the Drafter season this Monday, April 1 (no fooling), pending cooperative weather.  Wheels up at 5:30 from the parking lot on Parmenter, with beers to follow at the Free House.  We will start with shorties, building miles as the weather grows warmer and daylight longer.

Garmin link: Hyer Loop

PDF to print: Hyer Loop 25

DANGER: there are more pot holes than asphalt on the segment of Pheasant Branch between the Conservancy parking lots at the top and bottom of the hill.  There is GRAVEL down on the intersection of Pheasant Branch and Meffert.  The city has up barricades to alert you to the fact.

A reminder to ride smart, at your own risk, and with another Drafter.  Please consider using a blinky light.  Have fun, get fit, don’t be a jerk and respect the rules of the road.

Last announcement:  2019 Drafter gear from Hincapie clothing order is due APRIL 2nd.  Email me if you want the link.

Let the games begin.

Draft responsibly,

BrickO

What a sweet last dance.  The weather cooperated beautifully and the daylight held out just long enough to see a record 22 Drafters round the corner from Riley Tavern to the Free House.  Several rounded the wrong way, but it wouldn’t be a suitable official end of the season without Drafters gone astray.  Tick Tock halted the lead peloton and made the executive decision to turn left on Old Sauk, sighting Rule V. “BrickO would have us climb every last hill, including Twin Valley and Blackhawk.  Harden the F up, Cannibal and Booker J, and turn left.” Many of the ensuing Drafters failed to yield Rule V and turned right, eluding the elevation gain- which is always the wrong way.

Drafter quads were a bit sluggish from the RIDE the day before.  Cannibal was sporting his RIDE number, definitely a Velominati violation of rule 57. Skeeter Bait, Footer, Whamo and Sandlot rode the full 100.  Skeeter pulled Footer for the first 50, before saying, “so long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen,  adieu.  I’d like to stay but I need to taste my first cold beer before you.” Whamo and Sandlot managed to avoid the medical tent, a definite improvement over Tyranena.  Cookie Monster, E$, K2 and Billy Bob  missed the 60 mile mass start, kindly waiting for fellow Drafter Dan-yelly.  Who would have guessed she’d be running late? I’m sensing a name change in 2019. Equally predictable, BrickO got off track and ended up riding on Highway on 151 before engaging in some cross bike over the shoulder maneuver and billy goating down the steep embankment to find traffic traveling less than 70mph. Sheesh.

Dan-yelly, E$, CM, K2 and Billy Bob pre-60

Skeeter and Footer

Whamo and Sandlot

Does this number make my quads look big?

Is Hwy 151 part of the RIDE route?

I am directionally impaired, but I had other more pressing impairments to contend with during the RIDE on Sunday.  For one, I was exhausted from the Bride Ride on Friday.  Haven’t heard of it?  Likely because only a few women have lived to tell the tale. 4 to be precise. The Bride Ride itself was only 20 miles, but the first half into a 30 knot headwind.  As the story goes, the wind changed direction, such that a 30 knot headwind was enjoyed the entire loop.  Pipes hadn’t been on two wheels since the birth of her daughter 3 years ago. Once an Olympian, always up for the games.  The physical demands of the Bride Ride required immediate resuscitation at the Missouri Tavern, which was CLOSED ON A FRIDAY BEFORE NOON IN WISCONSIN.  What the???? Fortunately for the bridal party, the Craftsman was open and dark beers readily available.  Seeking nourishment after 20 miles of pedaling, the bridal party feasted.  Dr. Wampus, concerned for our health, insisted on medicinal doses of whiskey and several other Drafters arrived on the scene to render nutritional support.

Olympic rowers clearly don’t know much about helmet fitting

Bride Ride: Footer, BrickO, Pipes and CM

A quick shout out to Dr. Lucius Corr for his gallant attempt to make the wedding.  When plans fell through, he rode in honor of the Draft.

The Bride Ride is a two day stage race.  The elements were not a factor in stage 2, which was held indoors at the Overture Center velodrome. This stage is well known for its cookie toss, an extremely dangerous display of athleticism and precise aim.

Billy Bob and Dan-yelly win the cookie toss

Do they make white bike shorts for these occasions?

Catch, E$! Drone Master and his significant other look on.

An acknowledgment to Ruthie Hauge Photography- I’m quite sure she had never been asked to take a Drafter bridal party photo quite like this.

Headband or garter?

Drafters clean up nice

So, in short, I had good reason to be a little fuzzy on the directions during the RIDE on Sunday AM.  Where are we in this story?  Back to the Monday night Draft.  With 22 Drafters all staying for dinner, and a few more making appearances, we had a total take over of the front patio.

Caboose at the head of the table

Patio take over

Co-pilot Ann with Baby Riley

Evil Twin 11%… good to the last drop.

The 11% Evil Twin was no match for Footer.  Speedy and D2 Duracell took a sip and there were immediate repercussions.  Speedy did the quick math and calculated that she had drunk 8/9 of a sip and therefore consumed 0.97% alcohol.  When waitress Amy asked Duracell how he wanted his burger done, he said “with coleslaw, please”.

I think the Evil Twin should not be underestimated.  Look what evil fun Footer and Skeeter Bait had at CamRock this weekend?

Evil Twins

11% pain

BrickO and Z felt like the weather was evil on Saturday as they rode the Shawano Bike the Barn Quilts.  I’d say the name lacks luster, and while it is true that the terrain is less evil than CamRock, the 30 degree start made us earn the green jersey.

The Drafter family brings me such joy- and I am honored to ride each with with all of you.  Thank you for being kind to one another, pushing each other to be stronger and faster, and for putting all the “stuff” aside and enjoying a beer with one another at the end of the night.  I have your back, and know you have mine.  I’m not big on math and even less of a fan of statistics.  I don’t need numbers to know that this group is significant.

Two other awards to be given out: 1) Flat tire club inductees: Booker J, Skeeter Bait and Tick Tock and 2) best Drafter photo: for the category of most miles traveled, Billy Bob; for the category of most committed, Cookie Monster and E$; and for capturing the most Drafters under one rainbow, Skeeter Bait.

Billy Bob full of V

E$ and CM say I do

Skeeter under a rainbow

I wish you all a wonderful hibernation and look forward to Drafting again next spring.

D

Draft responsibly,

BrickO