The Four Seasons said it best:

Oh, what a night
Late August Monday back in ’20
What a very special ride for me
As I remember, what a night
Oh, what a night, two newbies didn’t even know their names
But the Draft was never gonna be the same
What a route, what a night
Oh, I, I got a funny feelin’ when they buzzed by on Breunig
Oh my, as I recall it ended much too soon
Oh what a night, Cookie Monster back drafting with me
She was as fit as we imagined she’d be
Thirty-eight miles, what a night

Nothing is perfect, but dare to find flaw with the Brewing on Breunig ride. Zero humidity and a tail wind back to Columbus and LuLu’s where pizza, cookies and beer were in abundant supply.

The B team was off to a Speedy and lonely start…

Off to a Speedy start

but shortly therafter expanded and quickly slowed.  The B Team could not be bothered with high watts with so much energy being consumed catching up socially. Ultimatley, the B Team divided up into his and hers.

Chick’s B Team: Footer, BrickO, Speedy and Cookie Monster

Cookie Monster re-enlisted in the Draft after taking a few weeks off.  And by “off” I mean balancing motherhood and graduate school.  Of couse she had time to bake two dozen cookies for all of us to enjoy.

Boy’s B Team: Duracell, Mario and Queenie

The Boy’s B Team included Queenie’s son, Newbie Mario. “A father-son relationship is strong, like no other teammates. You could be straightforward with one another.” Mario Andretti 

“If everything seems under control, you’re just not going fast enough.” Mario Andretti

Mario rode plenty fast on his borrowed machine, a Colnago named Annie.  He was seen stroking her gently after riding her hard.

The A team also traveled light to start.  Captain Joe took the staggered start seriuosly, soloing at noon.

Captain Solo

The rest of the A Team took off at 5PM and caught the Chick’s B Team on Loper.

LuLu and Cannibal overtake the Chick’s B Team

Skipper and Cannibal after the take over

The A Team also welcomed a Newbie, Gopher. He certainly did Go Far, farther than Vintage (yes, we have officially leap frogged from Kermit back to his old handle), who declared a state of overtraining and cut off at KP to start his rest interval before an alleged upcoming 130 mile gravel event.

Gopher and Cannibal catching LuLu’s Draft

Back at the ranch, the Drafters were reunited with  Booker J, whose GPS apparently took him from LuLu’s house to the typical start on Glacier Ridge Rd. “I knew something was wrong when my Garmin didn’t send balloons at the finish.  I was worried that starting from LuLu’s might turn a 30 mile route into a 60 mile route.  But I didn’t think it would congratulate me on a 2 mile course.”  And so, Booker J rode his own route and joined the crew for cookies and beer.  There might be something wrong with his Garmin.  “My Garmin says all my rides are at 21 mph.”

LuLu, Footer, BrickO, Gopher, Queenie, Mario, Speedy, Duracell, Bomber, Belle, Columbus, Booker J. Drafting but not imbibing: Tick Tock, Vintage and Cannibal.

Back yard banter focused on the Newbies.  Mario recevied a penatly flag on his first lap with the Drafters.  Not recognize Cookie Monster as his instructor for fall semester, he failed to yield.

BrickO and Belle, proud ISU supporter and alumna, respectively, welcomed the Iowa Native Newbie.  “I started a Cyclone, but ended up a Hawkeye.”   That’s the equivalent of confessing, “I started a Badger, but ended up a Gopher.”

Next week we will head to Waunakee for a 33 mile Warrior Ride.  Depart from Glacier Ridge Rd in staggered format, starting at 4:30PM. Pizza and a bonfire to follow, if the fall weather persists. VINTAGE NIGHT: One free beer to any Drafter wearing the original Voler jersey or blue and red Hincapie jersey.

GPS link: Waunakee Warrior Ride

Download map and cue sheet: Waunakee Warrior Ride

Draft responsibly,
BrickO

Brewing on Breunig is on for tonight.  The weather looks fabulous.

REMINDER: LuLu is hosting. CHECK GROUPME for directions for the start near Lakeview Park, Middleton.  Staggered start: 4:30, 4:45, 5:00 and 5:15PM. Bring a lawn chair and beverage. Pizza and mixed drinks provided. Rumor has it that Cookie Monster may be making her first post-baby delivery debut.

Sandlot and Duchess have done recon and report the course to be in great shape.

FishNBoots and his Funtathalon recruiter also did a bit of recon.  Make that TWO 7-mile rides this summer: a peak AND a taper.  This couple is sporting the Vintage Drafter jersey circa 2013.  Next week, free beer to those Drafting in Vintage appearal.  Limit one per customer.  This will be an excellent way to celebrate the upcoming BIRTHDAY of Vintage Drafter Tobacco City Boy!

The Dirty Draft has had some success rolling on Wednesday evenings.  We welcome all ages.

There are inherent risks that must be assumed. For example, this Drafter and Funtathlete contracted a case of Dirty Drafter Digit yesterday.  HIPPA prohibits that his name be posted, but you may Sherlock it tonight when you see taped fingers over a bike glove.

Draft responsibly,

BrickO

Sadly, the rain kept us from drafting to Church, For Sho.  And with construction underway in Cross Plaines for the new subdivision off of KP, we should rethink our rain day make up route.  IF ANYBODY WOULD BE INTERESTED IN HOSTING, PLEASE SHOOT ME A TEXT.  Thanks.  Otherwise, staggered start per norm 4:30, 4:45, 5:00 and 5:15.  BE SURE TO TURN ON YOUR DRAFTER GROUPME NOTIFICATIONS.  Weather updates and other last minute updates are posted through GroupMe.  It also allows communication with other Drafters without needing their cell phone (good for emergencies).

Here’s what is on tap: a 38 mile ride north called Brewing on Breunig.

Garmin Link Brewing on Breunig

Download PDF map and cuesheet: Brewing on Breunig

Drafter handle update: Drafter handles are usually non-negotiable.  Derby did not submit a request for a handle change, but the Drafter Board of Directors convened and ruled her handle inaccurate. While the Dark and Derby powerhouse team took first place in the Funtathalon, it was the Dark Knight who completed the derby portion of the event.  His teammate, clearly the stronger of the two, sped to victory with a lightening FLASH run split.

Pipes is the epitome of humble, the antithesis of pendantic.  But I have no problem giving her a little press.  The Drafter trophy case has never looked so good.

Bronze, Silver and Finisher medals

Here’s a shout out to another humble Drafter who was on standby in case Keez needed a teammate for the Funtathalon.  Luckily, Tinder came through with a match and Cookie Monster was able to do her own Funtathalon with family.

E$ and Cookie Monster enjoying their own Funtathalon

Draft responsibly,

BrickO

The Wisconsin State Journal ran a full-page recap of the First Annual Funtathalon.  Missed it? Not to worry.  The Drafter blog has exclusive rights to the story.

The day started well before the canoes and kayaks hit the water.  Master blowers, Nurse Sully and Counselor Queen Bee were clearing the path for the skaters.  “That’s not my match.com name”, noted Counselor Queen Bee.  Billy Boy was also armed and dangerous with a leaf blower, clearing the bike course and rechecking route arrows. The Legend and family tested the waters of Lake Mendota, getting in some barefootin’ sets before sunup.

The medical tent was buzzing with pre-race activity, and negotiations with race officials for medical conditions started the night before the Funtathalon.  Footer, of team LRST 2.0 (Lake Ripley Ski Team), served double duty as the official race Physical Therapist for the geriatric division.  Speedy and Ninja treated knee maladies with frozen peas and Kinesio Tape, respectively.  Octane had his calf dressed with the latter.

Race officials approved two last minute additions.  Special K of Team Divockuf failed to properly taper for the event, squeezing in a 100-mile run the week before instead of peaking for the Funtathalon.  There was nothing our team of medical professionals could do for her. FishNBoots stepped up, well tapered.  Over the past 4 weeks, he accumulated 7 miles of bike training. After signing his medical waiver, FishNBoots remembered that his primary care physician ordered an EKG at his last physical, which he forgot to schedule.

Team 10/10 was a team of one until last week, when fellow ISU Cyclone agreed to join Keez as part of their Tinder agreement.

As 10 teams entered Lake Mendota, they were welcomed by the Aquatic Course Marshals.  The MasterCraft, manned by Dub and friends, was anchored 1.5 miles south of the boat launch towards Spring Harbor, serving as the turn-around point.

A standby emergency boat, driven by The Legend and accompanied by Harrison, Spencer, Phoenix and 2 dogs, was thankfully not called upon to rescue anyone.

The only tip over occurred before the race began.  Team Space Cartographers scrambled to change water craft after Kermit rolled his kayak, losing the team baton before the race began. Divers were unable to recover the baton, but course officials allowed the Space Cartographers to proceed once a replacement baton was secured. Despite the late start, Kermit optimistically approached the start, “I’m in my natural habitat.”

Kermit still on land, finding his way to the water, 9 paddlers lined up for the 3-mile paddle. Z Wrecks gave the official “Paddlers, take your mark, GO!”

Bomber set a blistering pace, finishing in just over 30 minutes.  The lake temperature increased 2 degrees as his blades burned through the algae-rich waters of Mendota.  Octane was the next paddler to reach the shore.

Skipper, a natural paddler, struggled to perform in his kayak.  “A cow tank would have been faster.”

Pipes enjoyed her time on the lake, soaking up the morning sun and entering the transition area in tenth place.  Some spectators had anticipated a first place showing by the two-time Olympic rower.  That’s like expecting Katie Ledecky to win the diving competition just because both events involve water, or Lindsey Vonn to win the Birkebeiner because both events are on snow.  In an exclusive interview with the Divockuf team-member, she reminded us that, “Slow lives matter.”

The first bonus round of corn hole proved challenging due to forearm fatigue following the paddle.  None of the 10 teams earned bonus points, and only Pipes pulled the Team Divockuf with a scratch score.  The Cyclone  struggled the most with 4 additional minutes tagged onto Team 10/10’s time.

Things really heated up during the 7-mile run through the Conservancy.  Runners maintained proper hydration and orientation thanks to the volunteers.  The soccer bonus station had no penalties, although Belle from Team Brandany Alliance, focused on her run, failed to stop at the bonus station.  Funtathletes who scored the most goals, thereby subtracting minutes off their final time, strategized by passing the ball rather than attempting a free kick.  This tactic will be reviewed in 2021 Funtathalon Official Rules and Regulations.

Team Dark n Derby had the fastest run split and was first to the transition, executing an unorthodox but smooth baton hand off.

Waiting for the runners in the transition area, skaters experienced some technical difficulties. Ninja, a former competitive inline skater, failed to check her 20 plus year-old custom Bonts.  The first thing to break was her skate lace.  More significant equipment failures were on the horizon.

Loose Screw, after generously providing several Funtathletes with water crafts and loading them back onto his trailer, was left at the boat launch transition area without truck keys.  Billy Boy, honorably executing his bike course sweeping duties, inadvertently left the launch with his leaf blower and Loose Screw’s keys.  This delayed Loose Screw’s arrival at the Park and Ride transition area, and his subsequent departure on the skate leg.

The skate leg of the Funtathalon clearly illustrated  the top end speed differential of inline skates versus roller skis.  The ruling on drag coefficient of clothing was also questioned and will need to be reviewed by Race Officials. Some Funtathletes opted to change out of their event t-shirts into a more aerodynamic wardrobe, while others took the parachute approach.

Surprisingly, perhaps, the skate event had many elite competitors. Speedy’s college hockey career as player and coach was obvious as she exited the transition area hitting 0-60 in 5 seconds.  The crowd gasped at her gracefulness.  And  her abrupt 60 to 0 stop when the American member of Team CanAm called out, “You forgot the baton.  Sheesh.  I gave the kids one job…”

Those Funtathletes who opted for roller skis had a slower road.  Loose Screw got off to a slow start to begin with (see key fiasco above). FishNBoots, with only 12 hours of notice, didn’t have time to repair his roller skis, which had lost their ability to track in a straight line.

Thing 1 had never been on roller skis.  “How hard can they be?”  Turns out, pretty hard.  Thing 1 started the “Crash Support Group”.  Membership will be capped at 3, and is already full. Keez made it to the intersection with County Hwy K before crashing, which is a few hundred yards further than Thing 1 made it.

BrickO was excited to help out young Keez, stepping in for the skate, horse shoes and whiskey leg.  She was only an asset with the latter.

The whiskey station, supervised by Nurse Sully and Counselor Queen Bee, was the hub for negotiations.

Billy Boy served as a surrogate for those without adequate liver training  and alcohol dehydrogenase activity.  He provided support for three Funtathletes, including a clever negotiation by the Dark Knight who did his own shot and then bartered with Sully and Queen Bee for an extra minute off for Bill to imbibe. Pipes, epitomizing the Funtathlete spirit, drove to the Missouri Tavern to offer support to her teammate, FishNBoots. Team Divockuf negotiated 2 shots each, for a total of 4 minutes off of their time. Footer hung out a little longer to share a shot with BrickO, and provide draft protection back home.

 

One skater took off her skates and hung them up after the whiskey shot. Ninja salvaged the broken shoe lace, but could not salvage the race when her boot and skate bed detached.  There aren’t enough shots to make up that loss.

Hores shoes on rollerskates or skis after a whiskey should not be attempted without supervision.

The transition from skating to cycling was thankfully uneventful.  FishNBoots was the last skater into transition.  Footer of Team LRST 2.0, left before her brother-in-law arrived.  “I’ve spent most of my life waiting for him.”  She had to wait a little longer, as Footer required some assistance driving LRST 2.0 teammate’s Audi to the finish.  “How do you start this thing?” Despite the heroic efforts at the whiskey bonus station, Team Divockuf did not make the time cut off, and had to forego the cycling event.

Cycling seemed to be the safest of the 4 events.  The Legend and sons were on the route with water and to verify no short cuts were taken.  Belle blew by the station at top speed, missing the check in point.  A little blood was spilled during the maneuver back to the check point.  No law suits were filed.  Luckily, the Crash Support Group formed in the previous event had one memberhip spot available.

Vetting by the Race Officials of the last-minute entry for Team 10/10 (aka Team Tinder) did not discover his Category 1 status.  The Cyclone made up for lost time: the 4 min bags penalty and the skate crash by teammate Keez fueled him to finish with the fastest bike split.  By a lot. Bomber requested to be friends on Strava.

Skipper had negotiated bonus points with a Peter Sagan wheelie finish, but paddling a cow tank left his tank empty.

 

Duchess of Team Lantern Rouge lived up to his name. “I lost by less than a minute to a guy who drove to the finish line?”

The energy to shoot baskets was a limiting factor for all Funtathletes.  Bomber was quick to point out a confounding variable, “Nobody could train for this event. The gyms are closed.”  With more practice, the basketball bonus round may have proved more fruitful. Duracell of Team CanAm brought the most game to the basketball bonus round.  Kermit brought the most style.

Nico and Billy Boy will be official basketball surrogates for Funtathalon 2021.  Billy Boy made as many baskets as he did shots!

Congratulation to the 2020 First Annual Funtathalon winners and all participants.

On the podium:

A big thanks to all of our volunteers:

Paddle: Wyatt and friends, The Legend and sons, Phoenix and 2 dogs

Run: Nurse Sully, Counselor Queen Bee, Kaia, Helen, Ma Brick and Revel

Soccer: Z Wrecks, Nico and Jordy

Park and Ride Transition: Finn, Nico and Jordy

Skate Course: Master Blowers Nurse Sully and Counselor Queen Bee

Horse Shoes: Z Wrecks

Whiskey: Nurse Sully, Counselor Queen Bee, Billy Boy

Bike: Paul & Harrison, Billy Boy, Thing 1 & Kermit for route arrow pick up on Sunday

Basketball: Nico, Jordy and Billy Boy

And our spectators and fans:

Tobacco City Boy and Family

Coach Arms and Smiley Riley

Gwyneth (who mandated FishNBoots participate, and skip the bike) and Anna

Special K

 

And our t-shirt and trophy suppliers:

SweatVac

ReGeared

Draft responsibly,

BrickO

The first Draft of August brought a hint of fall. 21 Drafters explored the woods of Wisconsin, some with arm warmers and one particular California native in full winter apparel.

The staggered start was executed beautifully. Dark Knight and Derby (who is awaiting new Drafter handle assignnment, as Dark Knight will serve both Dark n Derby roles in the upcoming Funtathalon) left at 3:15, leaving plenty of time to shower and shave before enjoying the post-draft festivities.  Derby is not the only one seeking a new identity.  The Dark Knight showed little knightliness.  The Draft caught sight of the power couple on Kingsely (how prophetic), with the Dark Knight well out of Draft range, leaving Derby without protection.  You never, never leave your wingman. John Denver warned against this behavior:

Almost heaven, Wisconsin
Middleton Hills, Viaduct Road to Dane
I feel old there, older in my knees
Younger than the mountains, draftin’ in the breeze

Country roads, take me home
To the place I belong
Wisconsin, mountain Dark Knight
Take me home, country roads
Dark and Derby, ridin’ on Kingsley
Misty taste of dairy farm, sweat drop in her eye

Country roads, take me home
To the place I belong
Wisconsin, mountain Dark Knight
Take me home, country roads

I hear her voice in the drafter hour, she calls me
The Garmin reminds me my home is far away
Bikin’ down the road, I get a feelin’
That I shouldn’t have dropped her on the way, on the way.

Country roads, take me home
To the place I belong
Wisconsin, mountain Dark Knight
Take me home, country roads

Coach Arms intended to start early, anticipating her first postpartum ride might require a little more draft time.  What she didn’t anticipate was the extra time required to quiet two toddlers.  “I’m too late to be early”.  Speedy’s son delivered her birthday pie on Wednesday, practicing the social distancing Canadian style. The hockey stick IS the standard unit of measure.  Ya, heah?

The B team gave Arms a 2 minute head start before rolling out. Loose Screw came out for one last draft  in this age category (happy birthday on Sunday). His parting birthday wish: “I’m following you. Please go slow.”

The 4:43 group went off with a bit of a glitch.  Pipes missed the B Team start, as she was checking on the well being of her Funtathalon teammate, Special K, and lost track of Drafter time.  The accomplishment of running 100 miles (with a calf injury sustained walking her bike up Barlow the previous week) while being sworn in to the State Supreme Court is impressive.  But the real challenge is yet to come…

The 4:43 group, aka Dan-yelly, was running late (that’s redundant).  Pipes waited patiently (in full winter gear) as she watched the B team gap increase.  A newbie arrived even later, adhereing to the Dan-yelly Time Principle.  The three departed at 4:50, only to drop Pipes before the end of Middleton Hills (rough reports indicate 4:52).  LuLu picked up the slack (not that Pipes is slack) and pulled Pipes out of town. Our newbie has earned the drafter handle, Ditch. He has much to learn about the ways of the draft.

The A team was small in number, but mighty in wattage.

But the ultimate watts were released at 5:15.  Rimshot and Blurple were a bit perplexed.  “We arrived as instructed, but everyone was gone.”  Yup.  That’s exactly what a head start means. A plus, team.

Rimshot made a noble attempt to dress in Drafter green.  “When is the next Hincapie kit order?”, Rimshot inquired.  Drafter response: “The online store closed last week. Didn’t you receive the (dozen) emails?”  Rimshot: “Well, yeah, but I had to see if the Drafters passed my one month litmus test.”  We bike, we drink beer.  What other questions do you have, Rimshot?

Irrefutably, the best post-draft beverages since inception in 2013 were served.  Cannibal has been promoted to head mixologist.  Sensitive to nutrion and dietary needs, Cannibal made a garden salad with gin.

The female cohort voted unanimously to hire Cannibal to serve drinks at Girls Cabin Weekend 2021, in a French maid outfit, with bikeshorts.  “Hey, I cook, too.”  Don’t sweat it Cannibal.  You’re in.

The gin and arugula conconction was like truth serum for Speedy.  Just two sips and endless bits of knowledge were flowing, and could not be stopped.  Did you know that there is an organ shaped like a palm tree, and that the lymphatic system is the primary alcohol metabolizer?  Me neither, and I teach Anatomy and Physiology.  To be fair, there may have been more at play that the gin garden salad. Riding up Pheasant Branch just before the turn off into Middelton Hills, the smell of skunk was overpowering.  The black and white creature was never spotted, but a plume of smoke coming from the Conservancy was curious.

The drinks weren’t the only fashionable backyard delight.

A few Drafters were granted an excused absence on the RHCP ride.

Belle was in Iowa, indoctrinating her off-spring to the sport.

Slinger was somewhere in the Driftless region, biking his way through 250 miles.

Kermit and Thing 1 were getting dirty in Hayward.

Noteworthy accomplishments: kudos to Vilks for scoring serious Trek swag, his incentive for completing the 1k challenge in July.

And to Bomber, the new poster boy for The American Birkebeiner.

A little preview of par excellance to come during the Funtathalon this weekend.  The LEGEND will be in the rescue boat, and with a little encrouragement, may put on a footin’ show.

Living up to her name, Footer can get er’ done on one, too.  Skipper seems to be fearless on land and water.

Monday Aug 10 we will travel to the wild, wild, west and stop at Church FoSho, or Forshaug.

Garmin link: Church Forshaug

Download map and cuesheet: Church Forshaug

Draft responsibly,

BrickO

 

Draft review in absentia:

Reportedly the most gorgeous Monday evening on record to draft since Drone Master hosted in June, Captain Joe commandeered 17 Drafters on the Spring Valley Route.

The staggered start worked.  Sort of.  The B Team was off as planned at 4:30.  Welcome our newest Drafter, Columbus. Here’s a little snippet of her post-ride response to LuLu’s invitation: “F* you.  You said this ride was flat.”  All is fair in love and cycling.  Just as Christopher Columbus most assuredly knew the earth wasn’t flat when he set sail in 1492 for Asia, the myth that he discovered the world was round makes for a better story.  Certainly, Columbus knew Dane county isn’t flat, but this makes for a descent Drafter handle.  Welcome to the Draft, where our motto is, “when in doubt, climb.”

Pipes was late to the party, a sort of ground hog day for the Spring Valley loop. Recall her 2019 attempt at catching the group after a late start… instead she caught the broad side of a deer, got disortented and lost, ran out of gas, and called for a ride home.  Definitely a stronger finish in 2020.

Dan-yelly was either late to the 4:30 start, or made her own 4:43 group.  Given her history, likley the later or latter.

Octane recorded the shortest ride in Drafter history, braking his hanger 10 feet into the Draft.

Speedy did some quick calculations on the Spring Valley route and came up with this offical ratio: 2 hills: 1 valley.  Mind you, this is the same mathmatical thinking she devised while drinking beer: 12% alcohol, so drinking half a beer is 6%.  Right?  Her kids will thrive with home schooling.

It was nice to have three Drafters re-enlist. Welcome back Loose Screw, Booker J and Slow Cow. 

The next generation made an appearance.

And someone failed to make an appearance.

When everyone was gone, the sun setting and the left over pizza about to be tossed, Slow Cow showed up.

The only Drafter later than Slow Cow was Surley Bob, who waited until the rain hit Tue to ride.

Queenie waited for the rain to clear… and then 2 more days.

Still, late is better than missing the Draft to go fishin’.

Or digging in the dirt.

Speaking of getting dirty, the Dirty Draft on Wednesday was also a success.  Thanks to Walter, trail steward at Blue Mound for the tour.

In other non-cycling news, the Drafters are getting serious about running.

Cookie Monster redefines interval training one month postpartum.  Why run-sprint when you can walk-slog? We look forward to having her back in the saddle soon.

Equally impressive, Special K is running her 100 mile event this Saturday, pausing briefly at mile 35 to be sworn in.  She is encouraging Drafters to call, collect if necessary, during the run to cheer her to victory.   Finally, Formula One, representing our Texas branch,  sports her Drafter hat. The Hincapie Gran Fondo annonced today that the race is on in Oct.  Looking forward to seeing you there!

REMINDER: If you were part of the Polish Moon Event, I have your beer/coffee/swag and t-shirt.  Please collect it this week so I can recover my dinning room table surface.

We will kick off Aug in staggered format, departing from Glacier Ridge Rd: 4:30, 4:43, 5 and 5:15. The route is 33miles, dedicated to Billy Boy.  This route indeed takes a left on Johnson, into the woods of Wisconsin.

Garmin Link RHCP

PDF map and cuesheet download: RHCP Left on Johnson

Draft responsibly,

BrickO

 

 

 

Our Team of Drafters is filled with Superheros.  Some are working the front lines of health care,

while others are the cape and mask wearing kind who keep our streets safe.

The return of the Dark Drafter

Special K in her Supreme Court gown

The time has come for all Drafters, great and small, to rise up.  This would be the perfect opporutnity to interject lyrics from Hamilton, but I’m itching to get out and ride so this will be unusually and refreshingly short.

For continued safety for the Drafters, please consider:

• Self-seeding into 4 groups
• Staggering starts at 4:30, 4:45, 5:00 and 5:15
• Continue to bring lawn chairs and spread out 6′ during the post-draft festivities

This is somewhat about optics, but also about doing the right thing to keep us relatively safe.  After being run off the road Wednesday riding up Enchanted, and feeling threatened coming home yesterday on Hyslop, I’m more worried about being taken out by an angry driver than the virus.  Neverthelss, let’s continue to Draft responsibly.

Reminder that Captain Joe is hosting on Monday.  Roll out from Middleton Hills at High St and Apprentice Place (near the watertower), B team starting at 4:30, A team leaving at 5:15. Everybody else, start at 4:45 or 5PM. Use GroupMe to coordinate and communicate.

Pizza afterwards.  Please bring a lawn chair and beverage.  

Draft responsibly,

BrickO

22 Drafters faced the Beast of Barlow, including Newbie member, Yoda.  Showing up to join the B Team, he remarked, “I’ll try.”  Do. Or do not. There is no try.

Special K started the Draft armed for battle, with snacks in both holsters.

It wasn’t the Beast that took Special K down. It was a broken rear derailleur cable.  For her birthday last week, Special K rode a 100 mile victory lap around Devil’s Lake.  I guess her bike aged less gracefully than its rider.

Kermit performed his Knightly duty, sacrificing his Strava segment up Mineral Point Rd to assist Special K.  Or, perhaps, he was struggling to keep up with Blurple traveling at the speed of purple light and needed an out.  Unable to reconnect the rear cable, he sped off to reconnect with the A team.

BrickO MacGyver’d the rear cable by fastening it to the chain stay with an extra hair tie provided by Pipes, rendering the bike safe to ride, albeit with only 2 gear options.  Reluctantly, they voted unanimously to skip Braun, opting for the more downhill and direct route home on Garfoot. Special K lamented the fact between two bikes, she has a total of 3 gears and “1 good hamstring” (we had an anatomy lesson to clear up that misconception).  Sounds like the Drafter version of the 12 days of Christmas… “3 working gears, 2 bicycles and a hamstring completely avulsed.”

Pipes redeemed her athleticism, stopping at the top of every climb for Special K without falling over. There was some mathematical debate about just how slow Special K could pedal before Pipes would tip over.  Her new motto: “WHEN IN DOUBT, CLIP OUT.” 

The A team showed up in full force. Almost.  Belle got an early start, not out of fear for the Beast (although the A team could hear her gasping on Barlow as we were departing Middleton Hills), but to get home in time to open up Facebook market to sell her daughter’s childhood. Anybody looking for a good deal on American Girl stuff?  Duchess also left early, and was sighted in Cross Plains wearing a disguise (red jersey).  Sandlot told investigative reporters that he was baiting the A team, as if they need a carrot.

Skipper had himself a Draft. Chugging up each hill in his “big ring”, a 21-tooth cog, he would revive himself on the descents, fully recovered to pull Z Wrecks and Thing 1 home.  He’s already endured a Drafter handle change, but if you called him “The Phoenix“, he would answer.

The A team caught the B team on Schneider and gave them a taste of what it means to Draft. Speedy exclaimed, “So this is what is feels like to hang with the big kids!” as they howled at 28mph without putting much wattage through the quadage. Dan-yelly, late to start with the B team was not privy to this drafting experience. “I was going so slow on the way home (and took a wrong turn in Cross Plaines) that the same deer fly kept biting me.  I couldn’t out run it.  It was just insulting.”

Surley rode late and solo, as he was working on the front lines until after 5.

Back at the yard, the A team consulted the medical professionals about signs and symptoms of a heart attack.  “I thought Rimshot was having the big one on Barlow.  Is it normal to breath like that on a hill?” It is when you are fueled by PBR.  At least he brought his own beer this week. Cannibal self-selected the high-risk category, given his winter weight.  His coconuts are a size smaller, but now Covid is making the road back to svelte a bit longer.

Apologies to the Polish Moon riders: beer, coffee and swag were feloniously but inadvertently withheld.  Bad BrickO.  Next time, remind me.  Or just take them from the dining room table.  Shirts should arrive soon.

Next week will be a classic, an all-around favorite: the Spring Valley Loop.  Rumor has it that Booker J and Slow Cow will make an appearance. Wheels up at 5PM from CAPTAIN JOE’S HOUSE at Apprentice Place in Middleton Hills. Check GroupMe for the address.  Pizza to follow, bring beer and lawn chairs per routine.

Garmin Link (this is from Glacier Ridge, not Apprentice Place, but Garmin will find it: Spring Valley Loop

RidewithGPS Link: Spring Valley Loop from Captain Joe’s

Download map and cue sheet: Spring Valley Loop from Captain Joe’s

Draft responsibly,

BrickO

 

A tribute to the Moody Blues, Nights in White Satin.

“Knights” in Green Jerseys

Knights in green jerseys

Pedalin’ to reach the end

Blog posts I’ve written

Never meaning to send

Climbs I’d always missed

With these quads before

Just what the elevation is

I can’t say anymore

‘Cause I love them

Oh how I love them

Knights in green jerseys

Never reaching the end

Blog posts I’ve written

Never meaning to send

Climbs I’d always missed

With these quads before

Just what the elevation is

I can’t say anymore

‘Cause I love them

Yes I love them

Oh how I love them

18 Drafters rocked Roxbury, technically 20 as Sandlot and Duchess pre-road the course.  Some people have to be on the front lines Monday at 5PM. Thanks for keeping us safe, Drafter knights in white coats.

The ride in the holler’ including one newbie, Derby, as in roller derby.  With the first annual Funtathalon only weeks away, skaters are honing their skills to compete with this 1980’s roller phenom. She’s no slouch on a bike, either.  Dark Knight was hanging on by a thread.

Cannibal took the week to review the Drafter’s Code of Ethics, drafted by da’house staff of counselors, Billly Boy, Queen Bee and Special K.  Bylaw 3.4.26-7.891/2 clearly states that “No Drafter should knowlingly be left behind with a mechanical failure, unless that failure is a direct result of failure to procure maintenance  of his or her machine.” ** Please refer to cases 06.16.14 Drone Master vs. Frequency of Bike Tire Inflation; and 06.17.19 Pipes vs. Missing Front Wheel.  It is the responsibility of all fellow Drafters to render assistance.  Failure to help with a failure is grounds for dismissal.  So when Cannibal came across this wounded Drafter, he slowed his pace before the descent on Dunlap Hollow to holler,  “You don’t need any help, right?” His sins have been washed. Knightood bestowed.

When the 2 time Olympian was asked how the tip over occured, Footer confessed to giving Pipes a friendly shove.  “I won’t be last,” she uttered under her breathless breath.  And that’s how gold is won.

The B team (B for Bad Ass or maybe bruised ass) was testing out the emergency broadcast system well before Pipes needed first aid.  Speedy inadvertently butt-dialed Slinger‘s wife 3 times while cycling on Schneider.  Sending out an SOS, sending out an SOS. 

Today Speedy is sending out for cake and a few dozen candles.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Speedy and Special K. 

With the southerly wind pushing the pace, the lead pack was in Roxbury in no time flat. And without any flats, Rimshot earned his Knighthood by providing draft protection for Cannibal, Bomber, Captain Joe, Skipper, Kermit and Thing One.  Knighthood was short lived.  At least 2 infractions of bylaw 3.4.6 1/3.8889 were cited: 1) Skipper was dropped on Katezenbuechel and  2) BrickO shortly thereafter in Roxbury when she paused to text the B Team with a construction update.  Nobody paused.

The most serious infraction was 3) Rimshot brought a voracious thirst, but no post-ride beverages.  A unanimous vote by the Drafter Board of Rejects has put him on probation.

Left behind to face the now unfriendly southerly wind, with no hope of catching a draft, BrickO’s spirits were dampened. But then a

Knight in a green jersey (actually not),

came back in the end,

picking up BrickO,

when she needed a friend.

Kermit on his shining gravel bike provided draft protection until his quads failed.  Not in a green jersey, but Kermit is always wearing green. If you speak Training Peaks lingo, TSS of 98 will mean something to you. The only thing higher was his wife’s MCAT score of 99.  Brains and brawn, well done, Thing One.

Why a gravel bike, you wonder? It is (now) a known fact that riding with a chain one link too short can and will result in carbon fiber failure of chain stays.  So many mechanical lessons to learn.  Here is a short documentary by Octane, depicting another lesson about spoke integrity.

Octane earned his knight status by casting aside his human need for beer, as he headed back out onto the course to give the B Team a chivalrous escort home.  His intentions may not have been pure, as rumor of Speedy‘s freshly baked peanut butter cookies were spreading throughout the Draft.  Belle was first to claim that prize, and claimed more than one. Both have been put on probation: Speedy for not baking enough for everyone and Belle for making sure there was a shortage, regardless.

The backyard was filled with knights in green jerseys, along with a cameo appearance by Nurse Sully.  She is a founding member, most senior in membership and otherwise.

One of many beautiful Drafter attributes is members that fill each and every age group.

HINCAPIE UPDATE: FedEx packages arrive tomorrow.  Be sure to allow indirect signature if you won’t be at home.  LAST CHANCE to order: store closes Sun July 19 at midnight. Hincapie Store link

Next week we will visit the Beast of Barlow, only 34 miles but will seem longer. ** Descend cautiously on Garfoot to prepare for tight, unnatural left turn onto Braun. Departure 5PM from Glacier Ridge Rd.  Pizza to follow.  PLEASE BRING YOUR OWN BEER (Rimshot) and LAWNCHAIRS so we can socially distance responsibly.  For those 18 Drafters who participated in the Bike Fed Polish Moon ride, there will be beer (and hopefully coffee arriving soon) and some swag to enjoy.

Download map and cue sheet: Beast of Barlow

Garmin link: Beast of Barlow

Draft responsibly,

BrickO

It was hotter than hell riding to Church on Monday. 16 sweet and sweaty drafters, including 3 newbie members of the flock, found redemption. The newbies picked the hottest and longest ride on record for 2020 to join the Draft. Welcome Ninja, Rimshot and Blurple.

Not all Drafters rode under the hotter than hell sun.  The Dark Knight  interrupted his torpor state to ride early in the day, sending a bat signal alerting us to danger on the Blue Mound Trail descent. BrickO, having departed with the B team 30 min before the official start, was at the top of Blue Mound Trail, fielding a phone call (from her son who was being confronted by the local sheriff after having set off the cabin security system- so happy to be his “one” phone call), when she saw a flash of purple light.  It was Cannibal escorting two newbies, Rimshot and Blurple, down Blue Mound Trail. Undeterred by Dark Knight’s cautionary tale, the trio raced at the speed of (purple) light down the aforementioned 3 gravel stretches.   Ending the call, BrickO carefully descended in their afterglow, per the Dark Knight’s warning.

When what to my wondering eyes did appear,

but a gaggle of cyclists with flat tires, front & rear,

With Cannibal and newbies deflated so quick,

I knew in a moment they had been ficke’d  (urban dictionary: to learn the hard way)

Rimshot tied the long-standing record, held by Z Wrecks, for 2 flat tires in a single ride.  He double flatted shooting down those gravel stretches on Blue Mound Trail.  Cannibal and Blurple stopped to render assistance, which left  Bomber free to break away and catch his breath.  And for me to catch him. Bomber: “I told myself to go easy in this heat.” BrickO: “Did you really think that you would?” Bomber: “Yeah, but then those new guys showed up with Cannibal and hammered down Airport Rd.”  BrickO: “And you had to go with them?”  It was a rhetorical question.

After fixing 2 flats, the trio was back in action and howling over 30mph down KP in Cross Plains.  They came upon the B team, who had stopped for a mechanical. Oblivious to the Drafter code of ethics, which is a one-time allowance, Cannibal hollered out as they flew by, “Couldn’t stand the pressure?”  What he should have said was, “Can we stop to offer roadside assistance?” Ficke #2: what comes around goes around. Shortly after KP, rolling on enough CO2 to reach 40psi, Rimshot flatted a third time on the Bourbon St train tracks,  ruining his rim.  Bourbon isn’t for everyone. Looks like the pressure, or lack thereof,  got to Rimshot.   Flat tire #3 is an uncontested new record and puts him in first place for the 2020 Flat Tire Club Award.

LuLu and Kermit didn’t stop for Bourbon, but rode through Culver’s drive thru for a peach melba waffle cone. For anyone else looking to offset the caloric debt,  Belle brought oatmeal apricot almond cookies, which she baked in lieu of completing her indoor air conditioned Zwift ride, in lieu of drafting in hell’s kitchen.  Her failure to ride benefited all of us.

Home from church, recovery pizza, beer and cookies runneth over.  The newbies were carefully interviewed.  Ninja isn’t really a newbie.  She’s been coerced  by BrickO on numerous occasions  to suffer through various endurance cycling events. This was her first Monday night appearance, traveling from Green Bay and back to enjoy the heat and company.  Her insanity is undisputed. Membership granted.  Blurple and Rimshot’s  riding capabilities gave us pause.  Did we really want to induct members who make Bomber sweat? And to do so on a purple bike wearing a jelly bean jersey? The decision to induct (indict?) to the Draft was unanimous, despite their excessive fitness.  Rimshot showed strength of character not fussing over his costly ride. And Blurple’s compelling charm was revealed when he rebutted a nick name predicated on something superficial like his bike and jelly bean color (Grape Ape v.1). But, a little research into jelly bean anatomy revealed that there is much more beneath the surface and we agreed that a Drafter handle should about be something more than color.  It should be about family.

Happy Birthday this week to Speedy, Special K and Caboose.  Speedy isn’t about to wind down anytime soon. Neither is her smile.

Special K is celebrating her again event by gearing up for a 100 mile run on Aug 1.  Drafters are being summoned to lend support. There is one very Special rest stop, whereby Special K will be sworn in, giving Wisconsin the highest percentage of women on the state’s highest court.

Caboose has left the station, headed to MN.  He may not draft with us on Monday nights, but always in spirit.

Bike Fed Polish Moon Ride: we will soon be receiving beer, coffee and t-shirts (check your email from Jake at Bike Fed to give your size) for our two first place finishes for largest team and most miles.  Congrats!  Thanks for supporting the BikeFed and the Draft. Kermit clearly did not comply with mileage submission instructions.  25.6 miles? You rode more than that on a single Draft!

HINCAPIE DRAFTER GEAR UPDATE:  Several drafters have inquired about placing another order for jerseys, kits, etc.  The store is open through July 19.  This will be the FINAL order of the season. For those still waiting on the previous order, I will keep you updated. Typically, in non-pandemic times, the turnaround is ~2 months.  Apparently, this order is closer to one month?

Bricko’s Drafters Individual Rider Store:

• This link is to share with team members so they can place their own orders which will ship directly to each individual.
• Link: https://order.hincapiecustom.com/BRICKOS2020
• Dates: Now – midnight of Sunday, July 19th
• Orders ship (4) weeks after the close date of the store and deliver within 2-4 business days

This coming Monday, July 13, we will ride 42 miles down (and up) in the holler.  Our plan is to do recon this afternoon.  Stay tuned for changes and updates.  5PM departure. Pizza provided.  Beer and lawn chairs are your responsibility. 

On that note: please turn on your GroupMe app for Drafter and Dirty Drafter updates (separate groups). If you are NOT on the list and want to receive updates on things like road conditions, weather updates, etc., text me and I will add you.

DISCLAIMER: The Drafter administration is partial to Garmin, but can’t figure out how to make cue sheets using that platform.  RidewithGPS (for a fee, covered by your dues) creates cue sheets, but in my limited experience, can have non-operator dependent errors (plus operator errors). In short, I am not impressed. Like anyone gives a rip. Please carry a map, load coordinates into your Garmin if possible, do not ride alone, carry food and water to last through the night, and send a bat signal for help.

RidewithGPS link: Dunlap Hollow

Download map and cue sheet: Dunlap Hollow

For those wanting a shorter version, may I suggest you try the Tom Collins (30mile).  The only reservation for this route is the stretch on Hwy 19. No love on that section of road. This route provides excellent viewing of the Bridge to Nowhere over Hwy 12, connecting nothing to nothing.

RidewithGPS link: Tom Collins

 

Download map and cue sheet: Tom Collins

Draft responsibly,

BrickO