A season high 20 Drafters, including a Newbie (Drafter handle being pondered) set out with variable winds at 12-18 knots. It was as if the world spun off axis, tossing the pink moon and the wind into an unusual pattern. The B Team (who petitioned for a name change, approved by the Executive Committee, from this blog forward known as the FIRST TEAM) had a straight tail wind on the way to Crystal Lake, with occasional help on the return leg. The A Team was the unfortunate recipient of this variability, claiming to have battled head winds both to and from Crystal Lake.
Spoke’N Four had fuel to burn as they searched the horizon for blinking red lights, the equivalent of an artificial lure in Greyhound racing. Vintage, Gopher and Pit Stop hopped on the trolly as the Peloton stretched to reach Thing 1, LuLu and Z Wrecks. Vilks yelled out to Thing 1, who was leading the pack, “Jump on that juicy ham”, referring to the well developed gluteus maximus of Vintage. The wind was playing tricks, compounded by the fact that Thing 1 had paid Urgent Care a visit earlier for brief loss of consciousness, which caused her to interpret the conversation as, “Jump on that juicy hamster.” There was no mistaking what we all heard in response, “I did that last night.” And there it is. Draft responsibly.
Together but not for long. At the intersection of Lodi Springfield and Highway 19, Villks called, “CLEAR!” And it was, for half the Peloton. The Drafter subscription to the Vilker channel has been cancelled. May the treasurer’s report show a credit of $8.95/mo. BrickO, LuLu, Vintage, and Thing 1 pedaled on to finally catch Surly on the Woodland climb while the other Drafters paused for station identification.
Feeling a bit sassy, BrickO nudged her way up on the inside of the paceline. LuLu glanced her way, but clearly not at her, as he unleashed the snot from deep within. Mouth closed and sunglasses on, she escaped total contamination. PPE are now part of the Drafter uniform when riding with LuLu.
A lively discussion ensued during the post-draft draft about quads. Specifically, Queenie was curious about the Newbie and how she came to have the female version of Cannibal’s legs. Wondering if his inquiry was inappropriate, we put it up for discussion. It was unanimously decided that quads, male or female, are to be appreciated in a cyclists and viewed as part of the necessary machinery. Glutes were deemed a grey area not be discussed, along with body parts north of the equator, as they don’t contribute to wattage. While on the topic of Cannibal’s quads, we recollected on his other fine attributes, such as concocting and serving garden drinks. Although he has not officially made this a fee for service business, he generously offered to host a Garden Party on May 17 or 24. Stay tuned for a flowery invitation.
Pit Stop did a victory lap with the checkered flag to celebrate a 40k PR before collapsing into her lawn chair double fisted.
This young Drafter is still mastering the single fisted technique.
Next week will mark a switch to a 5PM departure for all. Thanks to Columbus and LuLu, the Drafters now have an official cartography department. No more cue sheets with left turns on Johnson or U-turns at the top of climbs. This is the REAL DEAL.
BEAST OF BARLOW will be on tap.
Ride with GPS link: https://ridewithgps.com/routes/35821926
Map and cue sheet:
For those wanting a bit more beauty and a little less Beast, stay on Garfoot (skip turn onto Barlow) and rejoin the route by taking a right on Braun. Don’t worry- that’s another Beast.
Rain is in the forecast for this evening, so check GroupMe for updates on Dirty Draft tomorrow. Duracell is ready to rock. Blackhawk 5-7PM is the plan. We can change it up once we get an established following.
Draft responsibly,
BrickO
brickosdrafters 
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