September 21: Tom Collins

In summary of Cannibal’s 2000+ feet run up Timber, Barlow, Mineral Point, Witte, and oh yeah, Timber again… he’s sweet but he’s psycho. A taste of my own medicine, perhaps? So grateful for another Drafter to craft a route and host the shindig afterwards, I barely complained. Define barely: the interval of time after 1000 feet of climb and before 2 garden drinks and 4 monster cookies. Ava Max said it best: Sweet But Psycho

Oh, he’s sweet but a psycho
A little bit psycho
Monday night we’re screamin’
“I’m-ma-ma-ma hill’s a grind”
Oh, gin drinks but a psycho
So green but it’s right though
At night we’re screamin’
“I’m-ma-ma-ma hill’s a grind”
He’ll make you climb, cause he’s Cannibal
He’ll rip your Strava within a second
You’ll be coming back, back for seconds
In your dinner plate, you just can’t help it

No, no, you’ll ride along
Let him lead you o-, o-, on
You’ll be saying, “No, no”
Then saying, “Yes, yes, yes”
‘Cause he messin’ with your head

The B Team fueld up for Cannibal’s Run with help from a fresh baked batch of cookies delivered just in time by Cookie and lil’ Monster.

Footer, Belle, Speedy, BrickO, Queenie, Duracell and Loose Screw stayed together for all of 10 minutes. By the end of Midtown Road, the B team was minus Queenie and Footer. There was report of Queenie joining the Flat Tire Club,with Footer dutifully executing her Drafter duty of lending mechanical and emotional support. The remaining B team reviewed the Drafter bylaws (always good to have an attorney present- thanks, Belle) and unanimously voted it was appropriate to pedal on. Why stop at one? If you are going to join the Flat Tire Club, go big or go home with as many tubes you can secure from the B and A team members. The A Team was hungry like the wolf, catching the B team in record time. Speedy yelled, “Car back!”, mistaking the sound of the fast moving A team machine for a motor vehicle.

Second flat conveniently at Riley Tavern

The A Team dropped a tube for Queenie. They were in a dropping sort of mood. Averaging 23mph until Barlow, Cannibal announced, “let’s stick together.” LuLu called BS and Vintage opted not to listen to the command. In fact, LuLu and Vintage were rogue from the start, opting to ride from Middleton to Cannibal’s beautiful house in the woods as a “warm-up”.

The A team cannibalized one another, pushing the limits of quadriceps power. The destruction was clear by the conversation afterward. LuLu: My legs are tingling. Rimshot’s Garmin indicated that he required 41 hours of recovery. “I don’t think I’ll be able to go into work tomorrow.” Booker J’s Garmin recovery forecast wasn’t so ominous, perhaps because it curiously continuously registers 17mph. While that is a favorable report climbing Barlow, relatively speaking that meant the rest of the A team had to be climbing over 40mph. “I thought I would die here on Barlow, alone.” In the throes of desperation he was seen kicking at his derailleur and throwing a water bottle at his chain, hoping for a mechanical issue that would invoke the Drafter code and temporarily cease the climbing pain.

Booker J decided to contact Garmin with a complaint: “Dear Garmin. You suck.” To which Garmin responded: “Dear Booker J. Please remove the protective sticker from the Garmin screen and you may notice the numbers changing.”

The Drafter Board is considering sensitivity training for all members. The A team, as rough and tumbly as they appear, have feelings, too. Rimshot, in a moment of vulnerability, expressed sadness over not being included in GroupMe. While an unintentional oversight by the IT department, it also came to our attention that he also feels some sadness when not mentioned in the blog. Rimshot is much nicer than he looks. A reminder that one cannot judge a book by its cover.

The Drafters were treated to the generous hospitality of Cannibal, his wife (who needed tube educated on the n+1 rule) and 3 German Shepherds, and fresh baked cookies by Cookie Monster. Belle was particularly taken with the house and hospitality. “Do you think they’ll mind if I move in? I can sleep with the dogs.” Mind you, they each have a very inviting bed with a killer view of the woods. Dances with Wolves, Sleeps with Dogs. Sounds like a Kevin Costner movie.

Speedy does the math: half a Solo cup = half the alcohol content

Late but not forgotten, Dan-yelly rolled in just after sunset. “It is a bit eerie out here riding after dark.” Talk about dancing with wolves!

The days are getting shorter and so will the rides. Next week we will sip a Tom Collins, a short 28 mile route. There is an option to take the bike path home after crossing Hwy 12, shortening the route to 25 miles. Staggered start per norm, 4:30, 4:43 and 5:00PM departures. Pizza and ring of fire to follow.

PDF map and cuesheet: Tom Collins

RidewithGPS link: Tom Collins

Garmin link: Tom Collins

The Dirty Draft has had a run of bad weather. The sun finally cooperated. Great to see Octane and his buddy Rudy, Stout and his buddy Mike, Speedy and kiddos at Blackhawk yesterday. Reminder that Blackhawk membership is required to ride and registration is open: Link for Registration.