This therapy session is not intended for young listeners, or any viewer with an adverse reaction to the f’bomb. Language in this therapy session is strictly intended for cathartic purposes, and is not recommeded for daily use, although in some cases the prescribed dose may be considerably higher.  Please consult with your physician before trying this form of therapy. My apologies to Prince.

 

The upside of an F’in rain indoor training session is that I was able to confirm the (un)reliability of my new bioimpedance scale.  3 pounds were lost during the ride, none of it water, according to my WiThings bioimpedance measurements.  Magically, I now have 3% less body fat. Brilliant marketing tool.  Now, if only I had hooked up PowerDot, think of how much my muscle mass % may have increased?

POLISH MOON:  FINISH STRONG.  LOOK WHAT IS ON THE LINE.

If we win most registrants and top distance, there will be a celebration next Mon rain or shine.

Draft responsibly,

BrickO

In the words of the great Prince…..

I never meant to cause you any sorrow
I never meant to cause you any pain
I only wanted to one time to see you drafting
I only wanted to see you
Drafting without the Monday rain

Monday rain, Monday rain
Monday rain, Monday rain
Monday rain, Monday rain
I only wanted to see you
Drafting without the Monday rain

I never wanted to be your wheel sucker
I only wanted to ride with our kind of friends
Baby, I could never draft from another
It’s such a shame the sunshine had to end

Monday rain, Monday rain
Monday rain, Monday rain
Monday rain, Monday rain
I only wanted to see you
Drafting without the Monday rain

Drafters, I know, I know
I know weather is changing
It’s time we all reach out
For something new, that means riding Zwift or Rouvy, too.

You say you want the radar
But it can’t seem to make up its mind
I think you better close it
And let me guide you from the Monday rain

Monday rain, Monday rain
Monday rain, Monday rain
If you know what I’m singing about up here
C’mon, raise your hand

Monday rain, Monday rain
I only want to see you
Only want to see you
Drafting without the Monday rain

RIDE TODAY IS CANCELLED.  Strike two on Back Door to Church.  I’m trying not to read too much into that. We will try again next Monday.  In the interim, if you find some sunshine and a free afternoon, this route to Black Earth, Hyde and the ultimate climb to the top of Blue Mound State Park is worth your while.

Garmin link to 70 mile ride at your leisure

Draft responsibly,

BrickO

Many Drafters preemptively rode the Back Door to Church on Sunday, sensing the holy water would fall from the heavenly skies today.  Their forecast of the forecast was devine.

Queenie didn’t make it to Church, but did pay his penance for missing Black Hill last week. Better late than never.

Duchess sampled some holy water. How is it that Duchess appears drenched while   Sandlot barely looks winded?

The flood gates have opened, so we will reschedule Back Door to Church for next Monday.  Plan to leave in shifts starting at 4:30, 4:45 and 5PM from Glacier Ridge Road.  It is a helluva route, so plan for at least 2.5 hours. Pizza and beers to follow. Some hydrations choices are difficult. Pray that I make the right one.

Happy 40th BD to Cannibal tomorrow. Sorry that we can’t celebrate as planned this evening.

We can celebrate with a  Polish Moon Ride.  Join BrickO’s Drafters team here: Race Registration

And if you have not yet filled out the Dairyland Dare survey, please do: DLD survey

300 riders will allow the ride to run on a modified basis!

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY to all the Drafter Dads.  Here is the newest Drafter Dad and GrandDad out on Sunday.

Draft responsibly,
BrickO

Legal drinking age.   ____ Pilots. ___ Jump Street.  That’s the number of Drafters who conquered Black Hill, or as Speedy renamed it, Black Hell.  21 is a record high for 2020, virtually and really.

The Draft inducted 3 new members: jRAD, Special K and the Rock.  Captain Joe brought along his buddy, jRAD, a humble man of few words but many watts. Special K introduced the concept of snack time. We rivaled any kindergarten class for the number of snack breaks. Granted, Special K’s fuel stores were depleted after 60 miles earlier in the week, training for her Aug 1 century ride run, but a full stop for trail mix every 5 miles? The jury is out on her membership status. Verdict, Judge?

The Rock provided an excellent illustration of the laws of gravity while riding sweep with Z Wrecks.  Z would wait at the top, and the Rock would wait at the bottom.  Welcome Newbies.  May the Draft be with you.

Technically, only 20 Drafters reached the summit.  Draft Queen  conveniently missed the turn, which also led to missing the climb up Bitney.  Overcome with guilt and reciting the Drafter motto, “when in doubt, climb”, he did a  U-turn after his Bitney Rd descent as to make amends, one climb at a time.  Footage is being reviewed to determine if Octane summited Black Hill. He was sighted traveling the wrong direction on Brereton Rd, but for sure, Queenie and Octane made it back to base camp for beer and pizza.

There were departures for Black Hill from two gates at two times. There is no easy name to describe the 4:30 group. “Short Pour” is inaccurate, as they ride the same distance as the 5PM departure group. Not sure they ride any slower either, but as noted above, they pause often for snack time.  “Team Estrogen” is no longer approrpriate.  Maybe “Team Testostogen”? “B Team” was suggested.  But B Team isn’t really fitting for a 2 x Olympian, Supreme Court Justice, front line RN and anesthesiologist, former D1 hockey player turned coach (including players who went on to be Olympians), and world class barefoot water skier/ aerospace engineer.  The B is for BrickO, who pretty much made every B team, except the Spelling B, which she never qualified for. Every Achilles needs a heel.

The highlight of the B Team was finding Duracell waiting on Balzer, biding his time with the pack until the head wind home.  Fully charged, Duracell brought us home.

The 5PM group blew by the B Team on Kinglsey, led by Captian Joe, Vilks, jRAD and Thing 1.  Kermit trailed behind, looking but not wearing green, mumbling, “My legs are shot.” The following dialogue ensued, BrickO: Did you put in lots of miles this weekend? Kermit: No.  BrickO: Did you have a late night?.  Kermit: In bed by 10:30. BrickO: Did you have too much to drink?  Kermit: No.  BrickO: Some days we just don’t have it. Kermit: No response.

Huge thanks to Drone Master for hosting the post-Draft draft.  The outing is being formally reviewed by the Social Committe. According to “Party Etiquette Rules” posted by the Etiquette Scholar, the following observations are disquieting: 1) there were insufficient left overs for Tick Tock’s following day lunch, 2) gluten free pizza was not provided.  Fortunately for Vilks and Surly, Drone Master had prepared deviled eggs.

3) Water and beer, but not wine were available. Let’s not discriminate, shall we? Surly and Pit Stop wandered down the street in search of vino, finding their way to the cellar of Z Wrecks.

Late night wanderings are usually reserved for Slow Cow. He did not disappoint this week, wandering as far as Lodi Canning, Spring Valley and Black Hill undetected by Drafters.  GPS data is being reveiwed by the “I call BS Squad”.  All 3 destination photos arrived mysteriously and simultaneously Monday PM.

Let’s focus on who was NOT Drafting and examine the legitimacy of their absence: Belle and Bomber were in South Dakota riding a mere 100 mile gravel and 100 mile road virtual event. There were rumblings of leaving Monday at 3AM in order to make the Draft. No mystery who was rumbling… and who had the veto power.

Cannibal required the week to prepare for his major aging event next week.  A few of us are further down that road.  Happy 40th Birthday, Cannibal. There’s a roll of tape with your name on it.

E$ and Cookie Monster were tempted, but Audia had barely finished her first day of life, so they decided to wait at least another week before Drafting.  It is also apparent that smaller headbands need to be ordered. CONGRATULATIONS!!!

The Back Door to Church route for next week is brought to us by the late John Denver.

Almost heaven, West of Middleton

Mound View Mountain, way of Moen Valley

You feel old there, older than the trees

Younger than the mountains, draftin’ in the breeze.

Country Roads, take me home

To the place, I belong

West of Middleton, mountain mama

Take me home, country roads

Back Door to Church 40ish miles is pending ongoing chip seal and other random acts of road repair on JJ and H/HH.  The Drafter recon crew has been furloughed, but volunteers have stepped up to pre-ride the route on Saturday.  Stay tuned. An alternative route might be required.  5PM departure and post-draft fesitivies will resume at our normal spot on Glacier Ridge Road.  Pizza will be ordered.  $5 max donations will be tolerated.  BYO beers and lawn chairs. 

GPS link: Back Door to Church GPS

Map and cue sheet download: Back Door to Church

Draft responsibly,

BrickO

 

Monday felt like the hottest day of the year.  Do not bother verifying the weather data.  Rely on the scientific data point of dropping 4 pounds of water weight (yup, I weigh myself post-Draft and do a little victory dance, knowing full well reality will return in back-lit digital numbers the following morning).

19 Drafters left their sweaty mark on Spring Valley. The sweat beaded early on Kermit’s brow. It could have been the 117 mile ride he did the day prior.  Or the challenge of riding and carrying  two bikes from home to the Drafter starting line, a distance of several miles. I’d sweat that challenge, too.

The real question in, what does the frog say?

Dog goes “woof”
Cat goes “meow”
Bird goes “tweet”
And mouse goes “squeek”
Cow goes “moo”
Frog goes “croak”
And the elephant goes “toot”
Ducks say “quack”
And fish go “blub”
And the seal goes “ow ow ow”

But there’s one sound
That no one knows
What does the frog say?

Ride it. Ride it.

And that’s exactly what Footer did.  Check her out on a new Parlee from Cronometro.  SAWEET. Footer takes an early lead (and an early departure) with Speedy, Pipes, Belle and the Draft Queen (DQ). 

Note the Newbie riding with the ladies! Borrowing from Queen’s Killer Queen:

He’s a Drafter Queen
CO2, SPD shoe
Dynamite with a red Trek bike
Guaranteed to blow your mind
Anytime

Footer on the Parlee was like watching SpaceX’s Falcon 9, as she rocketed by fellow aerospace engineer, Drone Master.   In an exclusive interview, Drone Master recounted, “Footer kept looking back, like, ‘hey, are you coming or what?’  The engine boosters on the Parlee were just too much for me. I’ve giv’n her all she’s got captain, an’ I canna give her no more.”

Belle wasn’t on a Parlee, but she too felt the engine boosters kick in.  “We’re on Schneider Road, almost home, it’s a straight away slightly downhill.  Let’s go!”  And the four were no more.

Dan-yelly surprised the group by being on time, and finished ahead of schedule, due to an inadvertent short cut on Turkey Rd.  At least, that is her story… Other characters making an appearance included Cliff, Hit-the-Wall and Cannibal.  Each forgot something vital. Hit-the-Wall forgot his beer, Cliff forgot to bring any water and Cannibal forgot to bring his power booster, running out of fuel after chasing Bomber and Kermit.  The pace was blistering.  Only the strong survived.  I was not amongst them. Tick Tock was wise enough to keep enough in reserve to see the finish line with the fuel gauge above E.

Billy Boy took the king of cut offs, bypassing the ride altogether and showing up for the cold Draft. Good to have him back from Sanibel Island in one piece.

Skipper skipped the Draft Monday to build his new mountain bike machine, anticiating that the rain would foil out Dirty Draft plans for tonight. Look out for the Yeti shredding next Wednesday during the Dirty Draft.  Z Rex and BrickO will be shredding (or getting shredded) in the Blue Ridge Mountains, so take your dirty cues and updates from Skipper on GroupMe.

On the topic of next week, Drone Master will be hosting the Draft.  Departure from GLACIER RIDGE ROAD AND JOHN MUIR ROAD at 5PM (6 houses up from ours, just before intersection of John Muir).  Or park at the Pheasant Branch Conservancy and grab a wheel as the Draft goes by. The 35 mile route is Back in Black (should suit Kermit’s cycling attire- though he did sport a green Drafter headband last week- see photo above). Same deal: bring a lawn chair and beer to relax post-Draft in Drone Master’s backyard.

GPS link: Back in Black

Download map and cue sheet:  Back in Black

Draft responsibly,

BrickO

Thanks to Duchess and Sandlot for saving us from the Beast.  They are front line heros in more ways than one.  It appears as though the Beast of Barlow has recently undergone a face lift so we will need to reroute for the ride tomorrow while it is recovering.

Surly Bob had no issue with the Beast.  A plug for fat tire bikes, for sure.

Let’s regroup and ride the Spring Valley loop tomorrow, appreciating that Enchanted Valley is also undergoing some cosmetic surgery.  Vosen off of Schneider will be our work around.

GPS link from Free House (sorry- too late to ride this tonight from Middleton Hills): FH Spring Valley via Vosen

Download map and cue sheet: SpringValley Loop via Vosen

Reminder: we will leave from Glacier Ridge Rd in Middleton Hills at 5PM. Niether the map nor GPS start from MH, but your guided tour will deliver you safely to the bike path and Schneider Rd, from which you can use either GPS or the map to navigate the route.  Bring a lawn chair and beer, pizza provided post-draft.

The Dirty Draft was rained out last week.  We will try again for this Wednesday at Quarry Ridge.  More details on GroupMe.  A few Drafters got dirty this weekend at Ringle (5 star rating);first time for Ninja and Speedy. Hope to get more dirt on these Drafters on Wednesday.

Draft responsibly,

BrickO

The theme song for Return of the Drafters brought to you by the Turtles:

Imagine me and you, I do
I think about you Monday night, it’s only right
To think about the Drafters you love and draft them tight
So happy together

If I should call you up, or use FaceTime
And you say you would ride with me and ease my mind
Imagine how the world could be, so very fine
So happy together

I can’t see me ridin’ with nobody but you
For all my life
When you’re with me, baby the skies’ll be blue
For all my life

Me and you and you and me
No matter how they toss the dice, it had to be
The only one for me is you, and you for me
So happy together

Blue skies with southerly winds blew a sea of green jerseys north to Lodi. The time trial start intervals were a bit shorter than advertised.  The race director has been fired, without severence pay.

Captain Joe lines up for a TT start while Z Rex, Kermit, Thing 1 and Octane complete their gear check.

Skipper arrived at Pheasant Branch at 5:05PM, and assumed the lanterne rouge position, never catching a glimpse of the 14 time trialists.

Leaving at 5:05, Skipper assumed the Latern Rouge position

Four Drafters took the time trial interval to another level, leaving 30 min before the event began. Duracell, Speedy, Footer and Pipes know how to roll. Early.

Two Drafters  were at work (you remember… the place we used to go in clothes other than jammies?), having dutifully completed their Lodi Canning Co assigment earlier in the week.  Longing to be part of the Draft (and earning their Monday night beverage), Duchess and Sandlot jumped on Zwift to virtually ride Lodi Canning Co before joining in person for refreshments.  Sandlot, always concientious, dressed her Zwift Avatar in Drafter green and accounted for the head wind. Admitedlly, Duchess neglected to factor in the wind, but did not neglect to fill the beer cooler.  We all find strength to do honest work.

Surly (freuqnelty misspelled Surley due to poor editorial staff) opted for the early bird option, paying his dues on a fat tire.  Cause’ who doesn’t need the added rolling resistance on a 38 mile ride?

Go Big or Go to Lodi

Belle had no issue skipping Zwift and coming directly for the beverage portion of the program.  Granted, she had ridden a century the day before, so it wasn’t as though she hadn’t earned her place at the bar. Belle baked cookies as a peace offering.  We were all at peace after the cookies circulated 3 times.  Best damn cookie criterium, ever.  Or at least a close second to the cookie trifecta the day before, celebrating Cookie Monster’s baby, who will be joining us any day now.

Cookie Monster approved cookie trifecta 

Speedy, BrickO, Abi, Slinger, Dark Knight, Drone Master, Footer, Octane, Tick Tock, Z Rex, Bomber and Belle.

Sandlot, Duchess, Kermit, Thing 1 and Skipper join circle time.

Next Monday, we will visit the Beast of Barlow, a 34 mile ride with a fun little climb early on.  Departure 5PM from Glacier Ridge Road in Middleton Hills.  Feel free to leave early, or ride the route on another day and text me your evidence (sign at the top of Barlow).  Use the GroupMe app to hatch a plan.  The only rules: 1) no injuries, 2) have fun, 3) do not ride alone.  The BrickO & Z backyard will be open for drafting.  Bring a lawn chair and beverage.  Pizza will be provided. Please email the food coordinator with dietary restrictions or allergies.

GPS data:  Garmin link Beast of Barlow

Download map and cue sheet: Beast of Barlow

Short pour option (which still requires taming the beast): stay on Garfoot, do not turn on Braun (follow red arrow) and reconnect on KP.

Stay on Garfoot back to KP

Draft responsibly,
BrickO