August 27: Black Widow

19 Beast — The Beasts: Sandlot, Duchess, Billy Boy, Loose Screw, Vintage, Z Rex, Thing 1, Skipper, Footer, Pipes, Booker J, Cannibal, C-Monster, Tick Tock, PDQ. Bond is on the run.

17 Drafters dared to face the Beast of Barlow, including one Newbie. PDQ was drafted over a year ago. His idea of taking immediate action isn’t exactly Pretty Damn Quick. Neither was the pace set by the 4 post-RAW finishers (Bond, Booker J, Z Rex and BrickO) who faced the Beast with a few less ATPs in their pedal stroke. The Beast had more climb in 33.6 miles than RAW did in 225!

Bond sightings were reported by many Drafters for the first time this season. The stealth rider was overhead saying, “I think I will find a new group (read: not lead with Tick Tock, Vintage, Cannibal and Thing 1) to hang with today.” Despite fatigue from claiming the Titletown road sign at mile 220 on Saturday, Bond did not relinquish the yellow jersey. He made a signature pit stop at the bottom of Barlow, as if to taunt the Beast.

Cannibal’s strategy for taking on the Beast was to look less like one. Legs were meticulously shaven for maximal aerodynamic capacity. His plans were foiled, however, when he joined the Equipment Failure Club (otherwise known as the failure to bring equipment club). C-Monster offered up her no-show dress socks, but after calling his fashion consultant, Cannibal decided upon knee-high cashmere socks compliments of Billy Boy. Lawyers apparently spare no expense on footwear.

Cannibal Equip Failure — Cannibal’s plans to challenge the Beast with smooth legs were foiled when equipment failure required cashmere knee-high socks.

Sandlot joined the antithesis of the Equipment Failure Club. She humbly packed her cleat covers in preparation for Barlow “de-feet”, but victory was hers. Barlow and Duchess were merely specks in her rearview mirror.

Sandlot has beaten the Beast… and Duchess

It came out during post-Barlow banter at Longtable that several Drafters were Barlow Virgins. Sandlot, Vintage and Thing 1 have been fully deflowered by the Beast. I lost something arguably more valuable on Barlow… my damn chain. There is nothing flowery about starting on a 19% grade at 0mph.

Skipper Beast — Skipper looks back on the Beast, Bond, Booker J, BrickO and PDQ

Thanks to Longtable for hosting our post-ride libations. We said goodbye to Bond as he heads to France to face another Beast, the Alpe d’Huez. Please note: winners of the yellow and other jerseys must be present at the Drafter banquet to claim their award. This late in the season, I doubt anyone can make enough pit stops to steal the yellow jersey away from Bond.

Beast Longtable — Cannibal and Bond share a beastly hug while the rest of the Drafters share stories of beating the Beast.

Our last route to close out August will be the Black Widow. Why not? We survived the Beast. This is a 34 mile ride and despite the name, is nothing compared to the Beast. If daylight is an issue, please consider the short cut on V, immediately after Black Hill.