June 17: Lodi Canning Company

The Drafter’s celebrated a milestone on Monday night. Our newest Drafter brought the membership grand total to:

Twice the number of times I’ve journey around the sun

Age of the Grand Canyon

2/3 as tall as the Chicago Water Tower in feet

Length of a football field in yards

Welcome to the Draft, Hundo. That isn’t really an accurate handle, as our newest drafter is worth a million.

Pres, Z Rex, Arms, Hundo, Footer, Vintage, Speedy, Tick Tock, Captain Joe, Slinger, Duracell, Loose Screw, Thing One, Billy Bob. Still getting gussied up: Cannibal, Booker J, TCB. Not yet at the gate: Slow Cow and Pipes

It was an eventful ride, starting with 20mph headwinds, one mph for each Drafter present. Our 6’5″ Drafter Billy Bob generously offered Draft protection, with the caveat that we not exceed 14mph. Cannibal was hungry for speed, and opted to take the first pull. Pedaling with a purpose but no map, he led himself out Airport Rd while the rest of us dutifully turned onto the bike path. Cannibal wasn’t the only one hungry. Vintage raided his homemade carbo stash 0.5 miles into the ride. The former chef prepared his own concoction this week, avoiding another GI sabotage effort by his spouse, Thing One. Coach Arms shared some personal strategies on how competitive couples can encourage athletic success with only subtle hints of sabotage.

Sabotage seemed to be the resounding theme on the Spring Valley route. Cannibal and Slow Wandering Cow independently got lost, and together joined the FLAT TIRE CLUB. Slow Cow wandered so far off the grid that he had to call an Uber to get home. While waiting for his Uber, Slow Cow made friends with a farmer and his cattle. A name by another name is still a Slow Cow. Turns out, it was the same surly Uber driver who serviced his flat tire SOS call the day before. Cronometro has a fine supply of tubes and CO2 cartridges should you seek an alternative means to be rescued from a flat tire incident. It is all about having the right equipment to deal with adversity. Slinger was well equipped to fill a flat tire, but had nothing to remedy his empty stomach. Maybe we should consider having Vintage provide Chef on Call road side bonk assistance? Luckily, Z Rex was available to pull him the last few (25 of 36) miles home. Ironically, Slinger’s wife Mickey, who was riding elsewhere flatted. After barely making it back on his empty tank, Slinger was called to rescue her. I think I might host a TIPS FOR CHANGING A FLAT TIRE seminar next week.

Cannibal, always the optimist, “I needed a break before climbing Enchanted Valley anyway.”

There will be a petition circulating next week to rename Turkey Road to Bambi Drive. An unexpected saboteur in the form of a deer collided with Pipes, throwing her from her new Scott bike (maybe Pipes can pick up some tubes and CO2 for Slow Cow when she takes her bike into Cronometro for repairs). Perhaps she rides like Thumper or smells like Flower? We may never know what prompted Bambi to leap from the rocky cliff, but I would like to think it was a well intended, albeit ill fated attempt to greet his friend.

Pipes, or maybe more appropriated handled Thumper, was not the only rider to crash this week. I’m accumulating crash photos for our annual awards banquet. Thus far, Skipper is in the lead for most stitches, Duchess for most epidermis shed, and Z Rex for most brilliant fall colors.

Speaking of Skipper, catch his podcast here: Fat Bike Radio

Sandlot played it safe and elected for a gravel adventure in lieu of Spring Valley.

All Drafters accounted for, we were grateful for food and drink at the Free House.

Booker J, Billy Boy, Z Rex, BrickO, Speedy, Duracell, Footer, Thing 1, Vintage, Loose Screw, Tick Tock, Captain Joe, Slinger and Mickey enjoy a beer, or two.

A few upcoming events worthy of casting the Drafter good luck charm (not the same one used to summon Bambi or the Flat Tire fairy):

Dan-yelly is approaching her due date. Tobacco City Boy didn’t stay to imbibe after the ride as he wanted to be home quickly to keep a watchful eye on on his very pregnant wife. May the force be with you.
Cookie Monster is preparing to defend her PhD preliminary proposal this week. I don’t know anything about biomedical engineering, but if her proposal is anything close to the perfection of her monster cookie recipe, she’s golden.
Horribly Hilly Hundreds riders are gearing up for what looks to be a stormy event on Sat. Let’s keep the rubber on the road and eye on the prize (Culver’s custard at the finish line). We don’t need anyone on the podium for the road rash award.

A big congratulations to Tree of Rown who shaved off 40min from her half IM time last year! I’m sure the Drafter water bottle in the rear cage played a pivotal role in fueling her to a strong finish.

Tree of Rown goes to town at Ironman 70.3

Next week we will enjoy the Lodi Canning Company route. This is a fairly flat 41 mile route, with shorter options (20 mile out and back to Dane, or a cut off on Stevenson for 30 miles). A bit of caution on the 30 mile route as you will need to ride on P for a short bit.