The 2200-2800 feet of climbing up Enchanted, Schuman, Old Settlers and Katzenbuckel (depending on GPS calibration and if you followed Tick Tock on the alternative route which added 4 miles via an unintended left turn on Breunig Road) wasn’t the craziest part of the Krazy Ride.  It was trying to keep up with KK!  This newbie is not a newbie at all, but rather an accomplished professional cyclist residing in Italy and eating Dolomites for breakfast.  KK was given a middle initial by Vilks, Bomber and Tick Tock– A.  As in KickAssK.  I was grateful to Barefooter who warned me not to attempt to keep up with her friend as she pulled away on Enchanted Valley, commandeering my ancient Kestrel, Ruby, who is not geared for such a climb. Ruby may never let me back in the saddle now that she knows what a real rider feel like! Billy Boy McC had led us out Schneider to the point of the breakaway.  You know it’s gonna be trouble when the Clydesdale sets the pace-  everybody got primed in the vortex.

For every foot of climb, there was an excuse as to why KickAssK was in the polka dot jersey.  Bomber feigned a shoe malfunction as KickAssK blew by.  Skeeter Bait hurled out this excuse, “I just finished antibiotics for a sinus infection.” I  suspect he would have traded antibiotics for EPO in a heartbeat.  Skeeter took the easy out and joined the Flat Tire club.   Booker J was the most creative and inventive in the excuse department, “If I had carbon fiber cages, I would not have been dropped.” Later in the ride, Booker J was diagnosed by Dr. Z Rex with a “positive snot sign”, and offered 3 shot bloks and a bottle of water to ease his pain.  Vilks could hardly dismount his bike due to fatigue and exclaimed, “Strava just informed me that I have a new max heart rate”.  Never one to miss an opportunity for a beer, Vilks excused himself from post-ride beverages under the pretense of attending his daughter’s boyfriend’s birthday party.  We all suspect that he was rushing for his AED and didn’t want to make a scene.  Barefooter proudly rolled in and declared, “No short cuts here”. This ride definitely separated the boys from the men, and I’ve never been so happy to have hung with the boys.  Somebody once said to me, “You have to be pretty good to know you much you really suck.”  I get it.  I liked it better when I imagined a small gap between me and KickAssK, not the Vredefort crater that appeared Monday night.

I also liked it better when Counselor Billy Boy informed me that the “return the bride policy” expired after 72 hours.  Eager to exercise my joint credit card rights at the Free House, he admitted to a misunderstanding in the policy, which apparently extends 72 days. Beers on me will have to wait until October. I managed to sneak away last week to Roatan for said wedding adventure without missing a Draft (this is not a discussion about priorities- at least not until I sort out the “return the bride” policy).

“Mom, I forgot the ring”

Mr. Z and Mrs. BrickO

Jump!

A non-dark beer toast

However, we are headed to Norway on Friday for a little fun at the Maserati Haute Route and so I will be leaving you in capable hands for the next two weeks.  

Tick Tock and Cookie Monster will be leading the Draft the next 2 weeks. As always, it is YOUR responsibility to know the route, draft responsibly, and at your own risk. We are one Drafter down due to a car hits bike incident on Woodland and Kingsley (driver was cited).  Fortunately, the only thing broken was Sandlot‘s bike.  Let’s send her some healing love  as we keep our eyes open for vehicles whose drivers don’t.

You are in the capable hands of Cookie Monster for the next 2 weeks.

Drafting in Utah- check out the footwear.

Lodi Marsh (counterclockwise route) is a 40mile venture, with an easy 5 short cut by avoiding Riddle Rd, or a 25 mile option by taking the Hyer Loop or Dane out and back. Tick Tock will most likely opt for the bike path home, which should leave all of you feeling unsatisfied and incomplete, but with more energy and time to enjoy Free House. Remember to treat our waitress, Amy, nicely (especially if you place special orders like half buffalo or a WI salad) and tip generously.

Download PDF map of Lodi Marsh: Lodi Marsh 40 and Hyer Loop 25

Garmin link to Lodi Marsh

The following week, Aug 6, you will be venturing out to Indian Lake.  PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HEED THIS WARNING:  the descent down Indian Trail to K is steep and THE ROAD IS IN TERRIBLE CONDITION.  I would recommend one of three strategies: 1) ride this course backwards (Dan-yelly, Whamo and Sandlot may do this unknowingly, so follow their lead), 2) descend at a snail’s pace (my choice), or 3) turn right on Whippoorwill (also a steep descent with a hairpin turn), L on 19 and R onto Matz Rd.  Decide as a group, and then make your own choice so that you feel safe and ride within your limits.

Download PDF map of Indian Lake Extended: Indian Lake Extended Cue Sheet and Map

Garmin Link to Indian Lake Extended

Draft responsibly,

BrickO

Lucky 13 showed up for the Wild Wild West ride, including Newbie “Slinger“.  Jeff was promoted to the front of the Draft by his neighbors Ice Queen and Duracell, and I would agree with that allocation.  Until, that is, his high speed rear tread unintentionally slung gravel my way (Annie suffered no structural damage- Annie is my Colnago for those of you who haven’t been introduced).  That will teach me for drafting too closely.   In an unprecedented sharing of the  lead, Dan-yelly and B2 Bomber pulled hard out KP heading into the Wild Wild West.  They key phrase here is “heading into”, as their tanks were empty after competing in the grueling Door County Triathlon and their gallant pull did not last long.

Clip on aerobars are a luxury for Bomber

Does this hat make me look fast?

This could be (or just plain is) the first time I’ve ever beaten Bomber to the Free House.  Can I tell you how happy it makes me to watch this man suffer from fatigue?  His recovery meal was two Spotted Cows and half buffalo.  Confused?  So was the waitress.

Maybe it was the sliver moon and Venus hanging in the sky that inspired Drone Master on Monday night.  He relished in taking a turn at the front with Bomber and Barefooter in his slip stream.  With great power comes great responsibility, and after his pull, Drone Master responsibly fell off the back as Barefooter took the opportunity to bury the boys.  Beaten but not broken, Drone Master had the ultimate opportunity to earn the yellow jersey.  With Bomber and his blinkie light both running low on energy, Drone Master graciously offered to provide a Draft back home …. on his scooter.  Just as Bomber got on his wheel, Drone Master accelerated, leaving Bomber in the dust.  “I think I just gave Brandan the best pull ever!”  I will admit that our group could benefit from a lesson in paceline etiquette.  Our motto seems to be “rest as long as possible and when you have to pull, go as hard as you can”.  Booker J exemplified this technique beautifully on the pull home on KP.  “Where did everybody go?”

Some of our Drafters got stuck at work (a tragedy I try hard to avoid, even if it means changing jobs frequently) but still managed to Draft in spirit in their own time.

Congrats to K2 on her 7800′ summit run.  She’s moving to Canada to finish her PhD program and has invited us all to the Velodrome in London, Ontario.  What could go wrong on a banked surface on a single gear bike? I’m in.

The ride on July 23 will make you crazy.  In fact, that was the theme song we choose for our wedding in Roatan over the weekend. Speaking of which, I generously offered to buy beers for the table with my new joint credit card.  Billy Boy McC, attorney at law, was quick to cite a bylaw describing a 72 hour cancellation/invalidation policy on brides.  So, I quietly retracted, rescinded and otherwise revoked the offer until a later date.  The crazy part of the wedding wasn’t the ceremony, but the run with the kids just prior to saying “I do” up a 25% grade for 1/4 mile.  Who thought 4 minutes could leave me limping for 3 days (and sweating for several hours, which made hair and makeup a null and void proposition) ?????

We are doing the inaugural Krazy Katzenbuechel ride on Monday.  I have not done recon, so there is no GPS link.  I’m estimating 40miles, but don’t hold me to that exactly.  I could make up the elevation, but you already know that my precision with elevation is drastically underestimated even with GPS.

PDF download map: Krazy Katz Map and Cue Sheet

Draft responsibly,

BrickO

We’ve weathered some rough stretched dolled out by Mother Nature this spring and summer, but Saturday could have single handedly counterbalanced all complaints uttered this cycling season.  The Circus in Baraboo was absolutely delightful (except for the aid stations, which didn’t materialize until mile 80) and well represented by the Drafters.  Congrats to Slow Cow, Whamo, Sandlot, Booker J, Vilks and Z Rex on their finishes.  Vilks was in the winner’s circle for Circus 2017, but in 2018, he took home the gold for Best Cycling Samaritan.  With a flat at the start, unnoticed by his teammates, who assumed he was already a mile ahead, Vilks rode like a bat out of Baraboo to catch Z and BrickO at mile 65.  Despite a 20 minute delay of game due to flat repair and a missed turn which cost him 2 miles, he maintained a positive attitude and pulling force which got us home in record time.  Setting aside the slight irritation at watching him loop back to get us after climbing several hills, we were grateful for the pull AND the cooler of Nitro Left Hand Milk Stout he had waiting at the finish line.

Sandlot and Whamo at the finish

Whamo holds onto a namesake beer for Slow Cow

The humidity was back for the Monday night ride to Fish and Crystal Lakes.  This did not deter cycling enthusiasts, as we had a showing of 20 Drafters, including one Newbie.

Zika, Loose Screw, Billy Boy, Cookie Monster, Footer, Skeeter Bait

Tick Tock, Ice Queen, Sandlot, PresDuracell,

Barefooter brought a friend, “Ripper”.  The name came with the man so I can’t tell you the etiology. I know that he designs mountain bike and downhill ski courses, but that would make me think his name should be Shredder?  I can tell you that his true Drafter purpose is “Skeeter Bait“.  He lured all the mosquitos at dinner to feast on him so the rest of us could eat in peace.  More impressively, he provided a feast for Tick Tock and B2 Bomber, who ate up the challenge Skeeter Bait posed at every climb.  It was clear by the time we reached Dane that there was to be an A team and B team.  B for BrickO.  The B team was led by the Pyrenees returnees, Billy Boy McC and Loose Screw, who charged up Crystal Lake Road as if it were the Tourmalet.  I could hear Billy Boy “neighing” on his Stallion bike as though in a Budweiser commercial.

Hit-the-Wall may have had a tear in his eye as the lakes came into view, “I’ve never made it this far”, he uttered.  And he wouldn’t have made it further had his cat like reflexes not saved him from colliding with a deer who bolted across Fish Lake.  The A team experienced a similar 4 -legged endeavor as a baby cow escapee meandered down Brererton, providing a slalom course for Skeeter Bait.

Pres pulled out his AAA card and called for roadside assistance on his inaugural ride of the summer.  “What is your roadside emergency?”  – “I’m out of gas”, Pres replied.  Turns out, AAA doesn’t lend roadside assistance to cyclists who run out of gas.  Nor do they fix flats.  Welcome to the FLAT TIRE club, Booker J!

The B team stayed together until the climb out of the valley on Hornung, at which time the C team was born.  C for Cheaters- BrickO, Z Rex and Loose Screw.  Turns out this was the only subset of Drafters who opted to take the short cut home on the bike path, cutting off 3 miles and 2 hills.  I solicited each Drafter as they crossed the finish line, hoping for at least one other cheater.  There were none. Shame on the C team.

Cheaters aren’t suppose to prosper, but I sure did.  Two big surprises were waiting at the finish line. My uncle John Boy and aunt Steph had ridden to the Free House (on a Harley, but we don’t discriminate.  A cyclist is a cyclist), and I was thrilled to see them 3 miles earlier than if I had ridden the whole route.  Coach Arms brought Baby Riley and I got first baby smells and rocking privileges.  The rest of the night is a blur, as I was lost in the magic of new life.  I do recall hearing Hit-the-Wall say, “What happened to all my money?” when it came time to pay the bill, and Cookie Monster finding a stash of $1s to help him cover dinner.  There’s more there than I want to tackle in this blog.  I remember Tick Tock scolding Sully, “You wrecked the Tour de France” after she gave up the crash highlights.  Mostly, I remember feeling like the luckiest person in the world to be surrounded by my Drafter family.  It took dueling cameras at both ends of the table to capture the crew.

Next week we will head to the wild wild west for a 35 mile jaunt.  Don’t be deceived by the simplicity of the route- I promise hills, including Vermont Church and Moen Valley.

Download PDF map for wild Wild West: West HHH 35

Garmin link to wild Wild West: Wild Wild West

Draft responsibly,

BrickO

Oops.  Please note my mistake on the last cue sheet (Garmin link was correct).  I inadvertently noted a short cut which would have deprived you from fully shaking the lake.

NOTE: Once we hit Crystal Lake Rd, we will not be taking the shortcut on Mussen Rd.  Instead, we will turn on Schhoppe to circumnavigate Fish Lake, and then climb our way out of the valley on Hornung.

Here’s hoping the Gran Fondo Circus 100 in Baraboo on Saturday sees some cool temperatures.  Best wishes for a safe and fun ride to all of the participants.  Slow Wandering Cow signed up for the Fond adventure.  Who knows what distance that might bring?

Draft responsibly,
BrickO

What’s a few feet? My elevation estimation for the Spring Valley ride was off by a few hundred feet. Does anyone with a math brain bigger than mine (that excludes no one) understand how my Garmin innocently reported 1700ft on my recon mission, when Tick Tock had us at 1900 before we even hit Table Bluff, and the final feet of elevation according to Z Rex’s Garmin was 2487?  Baffling.  And it really felt like 3000 given the punishing pace set by da’ boys.

Drone Master got a head start on the ride. We caught him snaking his way up Enchanted Valley (was a misnomer- better described as “Disenchanted Valley).  I heard him cry out, “Somebody sing me a song”, and Captain Joe made a gallant effort to do just that.  Unfortunately, his new Drafter Kit restricted his lung capacity.  Apparently, when checking the box to specify style, he marked “Podium Girl” instead of the “Podium” fit.  Personally, I am thinking of revamping the jersey fit options altogether.  Instead of club versus race fit (relaxed versus suffocating), I think small-medium-large should be offered  according to quadrant. For example, I would like a small jersey in my northern hemisphere where boobs allegedly reside, a medium around my arms to account for the deltoids and biceps I keep hoping will grow, and then a large around my waist where skin stretched from 2 babies hangs loosely.  Doesn’t seem like too much to ask, does it?

We could call this the “Restorative Jersey Line”, a phrase coined by Sully and Ice Queen when discussing the fine line between coloring and highlighting hair.  Speaking of restorative measures- I was at the cabin last weekend working hard to even out my biker tan lines.  Not that I am ashamed or embarrassed by them.  In fact, they are sort of a badge of honor.  But, I would like the Vitamin D enhancement to extend further north than my distal quadriceps.  I’m happy to report that 3 days in the lake did just that- restored my legs to one shade of brown.  However, an unanticipated and unfortunate consequence of said sunning in the lake is that I now have stripes on my face!  While drinking, talking, laughing, squinting, etc the sun failed to reach the creases, wrinkles and other fine lines that have found a home on my face.  Restoration is a work in progress, I guess.

That was definitely a tangent.  Back to the Draft report.  There was some confusion about the Northern Twist on the Spring Valley route.  Tick Tock instructed the crew, “When in doubt, turn the direction of the steepest hill.  That’s probably the right way.”  Good advice, which Slow Cow failed to heed.  Last to roll into the corral, he blamed his wrong turn on the “blinding angle of the sun”, and respectfully submits his request for me to better plan the routes according to the earth’s position.  Capitalizing on his legal training, he also petitioned for a Drafter Handle change from Slow Cow to Wandering Cow.  WC.  Doesn’t that stand for something else? Drone Master would have been the last to the table, but somehow he managed to trade his road bike in for a scooter.

Drone Master wasn’t the only one worried about being late for dinner.  Ice Queen called in her order somewhere along Schneider Road.  We all enjoyed watching her eat while we patiently awaited our vittles.  She might be the smallest of the Drafters, but this girl can hold her own with a knife and fork, or ice cream cone.

Due to popular demand, THE HINCAPIE STORE HAS BEEN RE-OPENED FOR 2018 DRAFTER JERSEYS, SHORTS, BIBS, VESTS, JACKETS and POLO SHIRTS.

1. Follow the link provided here: https://order.hincapiecustom.com/Brickos2018reorder
2. If this is your first time ordering with Hincapie Sportswear, click on “Create Your Account Now.”
3. If you have ordered with us before, click the “Log On” icon in the top right corner of your screen.
4. Shop and add any items to your cart that you would like to order.
5. Once you have selected everything you would like to order, click on your cart then click “Continue.”
6. Double check to make sure that your billing address and shipping address is correct. Please note that Hincapie CANNOT ship to a PO Box and a signature WILL be required upon delivery.
7. Click “Continue” to proceed through the checkout process.

MEREDITH NEWMAN

Custom Account Manager at Hincapie

DIRECT 864-400-3061  EMAIL mnewman@hincapiesports.com

Let’s shake the lakes on Monday.  We probably only have enough daylight to do a few more 40 milers, so let’s take advantage of the earth’s position (despite Slow Wandering Cow’s disposition about it’s position).  The route to Crystal and Fish Lakes via Dane is one of my favorites.  If Tick Tock doesn’t ride, we can take the bike path home, otherwise we will be forced to ride back on Woodland.  I’m not going to make any empty promises about the elevation.  I will say that we won’t be climbing anything near what Billy Boy McC, Loose Screw and Two Fist have been facing.

Conquering the Tourmalet

The Stallion emerges from thin air

Pick one

Two Fist in CO

Garim link Crystal and Fish via Dane

Download PDF map: Crystal and Fish Lake Via Dane Cue Sheet

Draft responsibly,

BrickO